Swords of the Soul

The Plan

I stared at someone I held dear to my heart once. Kill them? No way. I wasn't going to become a yellow player... or worse, red.
"Just do it," he said to me, taking a step towards the camera. "If you die, I know for one thing that your father won't be too happy."
"Screw my father," I snapped.
Akihiko looked nearly suprised. "... and I?"
"Screw you as well. You're both the devil."
"Now Shira... that statement is invalid. Do I look like a devil with horns?"
"Your brain is messed up enough to probably, yeah."
He let out a sigh. "Come up with a plan. Scan their memories to your Nerv Gear if you so wish. But take heed... for this will be dangerous, worse if you do nothing."
I thought about what he was saying. Kill them. Kill my friends... people I was starting to hold so dear to me. And... Dealan...
"Worry not of the boy. I know for sure that 'Dealan' is just as innocent as yourself, Shiramane." He said to me, almost in a soothing tone. "Shiramane... this is unsafe. I wish you would finally start listening. You don't want it to get worse, right?"
I had completely forgotten.
"Shira... every single moment at the hospital you're in, we're trying to prevent it from growing. From reaching further into your soul. Stopping it... from consuming you." He said, and I actually sensed care in his voice. Along with worry, which was for me. "I don't want it to take you away. It would be so dull without your bright, smiling face." He gave a smile.
How could I have forgotten? I live with it. It's a part of me.
The smile was hollow. "So? Will you do it?" He asked again about killing them. Murdering them. I couldn't believe he was pushing me this way. Or could I? He was just like my father. They did work together, after all. So how could I blame him from picking up a thing or two? Answer: I suppose I couldn't.
I stared at him, arms tight around my body. I was holding myself so tightly, I felt as if my soul would shatter the moment I let go.
"You cling to life in this world, trying hard not to forget. Their faces, their voices, their laughter... and her." He held narrow eyes and a cold, nearly hollow and disgraced tone. "You try so hard not to forget... cling to your life in the real world. You try not to forget everything about her. Her smile, her face, her laughter..." he gave a mocking smile before continuing in a playful tone. "... but you just can't cling to the memory, can you?"
I shook my head, eyes wider and more scared than ever. "No... that's not true..."
"But it is. Young girl, I know as much about you as your father. I am nearly your own flesh and blood because of the knowledge I hold about your life. I'm a scientist, and you're the equipment. I know everything about you." He told me coldly. "Now. You will kill them. You will live. Depending on how it goes, you may even end the game. But in the end... will you hesitate?" He questioned. "After so long and after so much hard work, would you hesitate to end this world at all?" He continued. "With myself in the real world... would you ever want to return? Would you ever want to live in the place you called home for so long again? ever? Answer me, Shira. This is something important." After a moment with no answer, he said something no one ever rarely talked about since it happened. "Would you ever want to see your mother again?"
While my heart stopped, my mind said words I might or might not have on my own. "... that woman's been dead for a long time," I whispered.
Akihiko smiled slightly. "How cruel. You speak of your mother as if she were dead. This is quite amusing."

Why are you not accepting the facts...?

Akihiko simply shrugged it off. "No matter. Say what you will. Destroy what little family you have left. Declare her as dead to you, if you so wish."

Are you afraid...? Afraid of what will happen if you do...?

"Now... get some rest. And come tomorrow, I wish for you to carry out your plan." He said. "Oh and one more thing," he looked at me. "That Markal may or may not be innocent. So... be careful. Rest your mind. I'm going to check in with the doctors and your father."

Do you think it will ruin everything?

He gave a small smile. "... good luck, Shiramane." The screen went dark and disappeared.
After a moment, I fell to my knees. I started banging my right fist on the floor, harder and harder with each strike.

Are you afraid to get hurt?

"I hate you..." I whispered, ramming my fist into the floor.

Well, let me tell you something...

I hiccuped, trying to not start crying. "Leave me alone..."

I live with the pain.

I shook my head frantically.

My father did too.

I started hitting the floor so hard I caused myself damage.

Until he turned her away, choosing to forget it all. Does he even still care?

I soon slowed to a gentle and weak flumping of my hand on the floor.

I live with that pain, and the fear of much more. The fear of death. I do not wish to die, Akihiko. I'm sure my father already knows this clearly enough. So, here I ask you...

"Just go away... both of you..." My hand stopped, lying on the floor next to my head.

Is it even still worth it? Where will you be after and if I return? I won't be able to forgive you. I do appreciate you helping me with what's wrong, but...

I pressed my forehead against the floorboards, tears hitting them, sparkling in the moonlight.

Did you have to get Akihiko to remind me? It's barely there, the smallest percent... but still...

I sighed, taking deep breaths to try and calm down.

... I have one request.

I sat up on my knees, wiping my face as the tears continued. My right hand ached.

... could you just let it grow?

I looked around.

Let it spread. I don't care anymore.

I closed my eyes. I opened them and swiped my hand, tapping on my friends list, and then my Guild. I stared at the names as they seemed different now. Markal, Dealan, Lewin, Alixen... it was like they held no meaning anymore.

... could you just let me die from this instead? I'd rather die that way than in here. And I loved this place. It will take some time... but don't do a thing. Let me die.