Swords of the Soul

Childhood

I stared at Diabel just footsteps away from me. I couldn't believe it. My heart thudded loudly at the sight of my old friend. He continued smiling at me. He extended his right hand towards me. "Shirali..." His voice was soft. "It's... been so long. I've been around, but... I never said anything to you until today. I'm sorry."
I took a moment to process his words. "But... you..." my eyes were wide, filled with pain. "You... died..."
He nodded. "I did, that's true. But... you are the daughter of Akihiko Kayaba. And your Nerv Gear... is unique." He stated.
My eyes widened more and, with the the sound of my feet pushing off against the ground, I ran to Diabel, finally crying. I rammed into his chest and hugged him. With my Shiramane avatar, the top of my head just barely reached his chin. "Diabel!!" I cried, voice squeaking.
Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me and return the hug. "I'm so... so sorry, Shiramane. I missed you," he said quietly.
I hiccuped and looked up at him through sad eyes. I kept losing the people I loved. I stared up at Diabel as he smiled at me through half closed eyes. "... it's alright," I said quietly, smiling. "I missed you too... Diabel." It felt odd saying his name to his face again. I'd said it out loud for so long, not to a face, but more to an open space. Looking at his face and saying his name felt strange. I'd also never looked at his face and said it to him before we arrived here. I'd never known him in that way, never seen his face.
And he'd never seen mine.
"Please... forgive me for letting you die... you were right there!" I cried into his chest. "I'm so sorry! You died! And I did nothing!!" I almost screamed.
After a few moments, I felt the gentle and warm weight of his left hand on my head, right arm still holding me tight. "... that Kirito friend of yours tried to help me too," my eyes snapped open, "but I didn't let him. There..." he stroked my hair. "... you looked petrified."
I drew in a shaky breath. "Of course I was... you were going to die!"
"And then I did," he said simply.
My breath caught in my throat. "Diabel..."
"I'm dead, Shirali. But, again, your Nerv Gear is very unique; in Sword Art Online, with it, you have been granted an extra life. And a new life, away from the harsh reality of the real world. And it also has the ability to copy the consciousness of fallen players of your choosing to it's system memory - and those souls live freely on with you."
My heart stopped. I pulled away from Diabel and grabbed his arms, looking up at him. "I choose all the fallen players! I want to save all the innocent people that died!!" I yelled.
Diabel closed his eyes and shook his head. "It doesn't work that way, Shirali... you can't save those already gone," he opened his eyes and grew serious. "Your subconscious chose who you saved. Your Nerv Gear only saved those close and important to you." He sighed. "So I... was one of them apparently."
I stared. "... how do you... know all this?"
He gave a soft smile, head tilting to the right a little. "Akihiko explained everything to me when I died. He greeted me here, and told me what was happening. All while I was being scanned by your Gear."
I hugged him. "I don't want to lose you again..."
He smiled. "I don't want to lose you again either," he said. He held me tightly. "And I'm not alone..."
"We have things to say to you." Someone else said.
I pulled away from Diabel and looked behind me to find the black-haired Alixen. He had a straight face before smiling.
"Exactly," another said. I looked to my right to find Lewin.
"We want to thank you." The last one finally said.
I looked to my left to see Markal, just feet from the edge. "Markal..."
He grinned at me from behind his glasses. "Thank you for saving us."
"Making us realize the exact weight of Lewin and my actions. Even if it was in death." Alixen smiled sheepishly.
Lewin grinned wildly. "Also... thanks for being our friend."
"Friend...?" I looked back and forth between them all. Finally, I turned around and looked to an incredibly happy Diabel. He was grinning happily at me. "Diabel?" I asked. "You're all my... friends?"
He put a hand on my shoulder. "Of course we are! And we always will be. If you ever need us... just put on your Nerv Gear." He looked at me, obviously hopeful I would visit them in my system.
I nodded, smiling warmly. "Of course," I hugged Diabel. "I will always visit you and The Soulful Swords." The Soulful Swords was my fallen Guild.
I let go of Diabel and he smiled once more at me. "See you soon... little Shira." They all faded off.
I was stuck with a warm smile on my face.
"... Shira?"
I turned around to find Asuna. I stared. "A... suna?" I ran at her, about to hug her.
Kirito walked up at her right. "Shi... rali?"
I blinked and hugged them both.

Why... I want them to live.

Something suddenly dawned on me.

If I'm to put on the Nerv Gear to visit everyone...

I held them tighter.

... does that mean I'll live?