Swords of the Soul

Empty Skies

How is time supposed to pass? If there is any real or definitive answer, then please inform me. I have no idea. Not since I arrived here, in Alfheim, another game.
My memories... something makes me enraged when I try to think about certain things. Like, for example, Akihiko and the times we shared.
Instead of finding the good things, I'm only greeted with the lies of Sword Art Online.
I want out.
More than I did last time.
I'm scared to die, because I don't know if it will be like Aincrad.
However, if I really wish to die just enough...
No. Suicide is not an option, suicide is not a way out -
It's a trap.

I want more than anything to see Akihiko again, want to hold him close, tell him I love him, and say I'm sorry for ever hating him.
But at the same time, I feel sadness, and rage - something overwhelms those warm feelings, and makes me want to rip his throat out. A bit violent, I know, but these feelings of violence are stronger than they were towards him in SAO.
It's different.
It's strange.
It's wrong.
Something isn't right.

"Shirali." The voice was clear as day, freezing my heart in my chest. It hadn't done that for two months. Not since that one moment in Sword Art Online.
Not now.
I beg of you.
"It's me - Akihiko and Heathcliff. Come back to me... you're still dreaming." I looked around the dim forest, sunlight filtering through the high up leaves weakly.

Still dreaming...?

No - It was impossible. I had woken up in that hospital. I had seen my father's body, lying there, dead. I had felt being pushed into those lockers, I'd felt the warmth of my mother's hand! It was impossible for me to still be in Aincrad.

Unless....

I looked down into my right hand at a small, black hexagonal gem.

I could be just like Diabel and them...

An AI. But I knew I wasn't. Somwhere, deep down, I knew I wasn't. I knew I was real. I knew I-

I'm a failure. No... that's not right. Am I... just another subject of Akihiko's?

I looked around once more, searching for the place, the body, the face - the person who could have made me hear my father's voice calling out to me.
"I love you."
I finally noticed I was crying, tears as clear as crystal. I wiped them away quickly as a hollow and mocking voice made my feet stop moving.
"You let me die, Shirali," the familiar voice sent a shiver down my spine. "You let me die - and you don't even seem sorry about it anymore."
I whipped around to find Diabel staring down at me. "D... Diabe-"
"Shira," he interrupted me. "You feel like you've saved me. It's lousy."
I felt like my heart had been slapped in my face. "B-but I-"
"You're so full of false hope," Alixen said and I turned to face him.
"Rediculous. Just a little girl who wants to be something." Lewin snarled from his side.
I looked to my right to see Treice. "The daughter of a monster," he said coldly.
"A psycopath, murderer, madman. You're just a forgotten little child," they all said. "You've let us die."
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over my right shoulder to see Markal hamging his head. "I'm sorry, Shira, but you're a disappointment..." he closed his eyes.
My eyes filled with tears as dread suddenly smacked into my chest like a crashed train.
They were right - all of them.

Daughter of a monster, little girl, child wanting attention, to be normal, or to even by this point not even exist. That's what I want. And they're all right.

I caught a glimpse of someone, in what seemed to be a white lab coat, disappear behind a tree. That's it.

My emotions and memories are toying with me. And... everyone is in on it. Did they... did they truly feel this way all the time?

I put my face in ny hands as I felt my emotions beginning to grab hold of me, physically feeling their 'hands' all over my body, trying to pull me in different directions. Trying to pull me apart.
I hiccuped. This wasn't right - something was wrong. Wrong with me.
Mental issue? Insanity? Lack of attention? What was it?

Daddy... I miss you. Come home.

My emotions began to feel as if they were pulling me downward.

Or at least... please...

I let out a loud wheeze as my face felt warm. My tears were beginning to suffocate me.

... let ME come home.

I felt ready to give up, give in, stop everything. I wanted someone else to live my life - and better.
I felt my mind began to slip away, surroundings becoming fuzzy around the edges. A single voice snapped me out of my state. Nearly.
"SHIRA!!"

I-I...

Dealan quickly dropped down in front of me, grabbing my arms and pulling me up. The edges of my vision were still blurry. "Shira!! Shira, snap out of it!! Please!"
I slowly blinked, not knowing what to say. "I... I just... wanted to hand it over..."
He stared into my eyes, reading my thoughts as they grew wide. "I... I know..." his cheeks were slightly pink. "Shira... I..." he slowly got closer to me. I didn't move a muscle - I was too out of it, in a way. My eyes widened as his lips just barely brushed against mine, quickly pulling me into a hug before doing anything else.
I blinked, vision clear and mind confused. "D... Dealan...?"
"Shiramane... I... I don't want to lose you. I'm..."
I closed my eyes. "... in love with me."
There was no answer. I knew I was right, all because of his silence. Slowly, I put my arms around him and returned the hug.
I never meant to become the damsel in distress - never meant to become the princess who needs saving.