You're Not Even Mine to Miss [Fall Out Boy - Wattys 2014]

➽ Track Four (London's POV).

Track Four (London’s POV): I know that you see what you’re doing to me.

(April 17th, 2008)

I was fully aware that I was being such a hypocrite.

I mean, I had been looking at pictures of Pete and I and reading our e-mails before and listening to the videos of him singing that he had sent me whenever he felt like doing it. I was crying on top of the handwritten letters that he had given me and sobbed even more after seeing the Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy he bought for me when we went to Disneyland.

I had no idea why I kept on going back to the things that had reminded me of Pete Wentz – the man whom I had trusted my heart, but he had just stomped on it. Hard. He was the man I thought I knew like the back of my hand, but he turned out to be someone that I had never expected him to be. He was different in the worst kind of way.

Patrick told me that the band was planning a meeting, and he wanted me to come over and say hello to the others (I was actually quite close to them, but after breaking up with Pete, I decided to keep my distance from them as well, except for Patrick though). I knew that Pete and Patrick started becoming friends again and it was fine with me since I was trying to convince myself (in a rather difficult way) that I could move on from him and our mutual friendship with Patrick wouldn’t interfere with that. My attempt was going really… really slowly. But at least, there was a bit of improvement.

My mom tried to distract my thoughts about that bastard Pete Wentz by talking about her and dad’s plans in going to England. She already told me about this before, but their plans were delayed when dad got sick and had to be admitted to the hospital for a week due to a heart attack-like event. After knowing about the breakup, it seemed that they had decided to push it through in attempt to cheer me up again.

But I was pretty certain that nothing could really cheer me up. I couldn’t be mended anymore. Things would never be the same. I would never be the same. I didn’t even trust anybody else anymore. Just my family and Patrick – the people who were really there for me and who genuinely cared about me.

Later that day, around noon time, Patrick had called me up and asked me if I wanted to eat dinner with other guys. I was about to say no, but I was thinking that I had to get used to Patrick still hanging-out with the other members of Fall Out Boy (which included Pete, of course) and about my attempt to move on from Pete (albeit weak, I might add).

Get used to seeing Pete around, I told myself. And anyway, you have to get over him.

But it was a tough struggle.

In the end, I told Patrick that I would love to eat with them. It had been weeks since I had last seen Joe and Andy (those two were a delight, I tell you) and I couldn’t even remember if Patrick and I had eaten lunch together since we usually just eat popcorn in his place whenever we had time for a movie marathon, so it might be a first for us.

“We’re here in the Chinese restaurant a block away from the studio,” he told me. “You do know where that is, right?”

“I think I know where you are,” I assured him with a laugh. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

About three songs that I had played on the stereo in the car and a fight with the twelve year-old skateboarder who I had almost hit (I insisted that he was unreasonable for crying out ‘Mommy!’ and telling his mom to call homeland security to arrest me for attempted murder) later, I had finally reached the Chinese restaurant that Patrick was talking about.

I saw them sitting in a table good for eight people near the window. Three-fourths of Fall Out Boy were in there – Pete was surprisingly missing in the scene – and a brunette that I had never met before were sitting in the table. I approached them with a nervous smile and gave them a little wave. “Look who’s here!” I exclaimed a little nervously at them.