You're Not Even Mine to Miss [Fall Out Boy - Wattys 2014]

➽ Track Twenty-three (Patrick's POV).

Track Twenty-three (Patrick’s POV): I found the words to say how I feel, but I just can’t spell them.

(June 5th, 2008)

‘Donnie,

I was just wondering when you’re planning to come back here in Chicago. I can’t wait for you to be here with us again! I’m really missing my best friend so much. I do hope that you’d be here by Christmas or by New Year’s, just to visit us and so that we could spend some time together again. I also miss the hot chocolate with marshmallows that you used to make for me. That drink was my all-time favourite, to be honest. No one else (in my opinion) could make a heavenly drink such as that except for you, and I think that’s why you have to come back here.

Kidding aside, I just want you to be here again. Everything’s different when you miss someone.

Anyway, how’s England? I’m glad that you’re starting to feel at home in there, especially because your mom told you to look for a job already, but please, don’t get too attached to the new country that you’re in because you’ve still got the good ol’  Chicago waiting for you to come home. We’re here for you.’

I wasn’t sure why and how it happened, but after reading the e-mail that I was planning to send Donnie (I was checking and editing it to make sure if I had avoided some grammatical errors, had forgotten words and had probably misspelled some words before I would send it to her), I felt as if I was reading a love letter written by schoolgirl for her high school sweetheart.

Patrick Stump, what the hell is the matter with you?!

I wanted to kick myself in embarrassment.

Honestly, I wasn’t even sure why I had typed that e-mail to her. Maybe it was because of the countless e-mails she sent me, none of which were answered. Maybe I felt bad for myself and for Donnie because I hadn’t been communicating with her during the past few days. Just out of the blue, I was feeling really depressed (for lack of term) about Donnie’s absence and RJ’s presence (I didn’t know that thinking about two of the most important girls in my life could bother me so much) and I wasn’t sure how to react when those two women would cross my mind.

Focus on Rachelle Jane Daniels. She’s your girlfriend now.

Biting my lower lip and praying to the gods up there to help me and my soul, I clicked the ‘Send’ button before I grabbed my things and headed for my door, trying not to think about the e-mail that I had just sent to her. I didn’t want to regret that I had written some kind of sappy, slightly pathetic, nonsensical letter for the girl that I initially wanted to be with.

Well, too late for now.

*~*

(June 5th, 2008)

Pete Wentz was having the time of his life. After all, it was his birthday.

His birthday party was also held in the same studio where I had celebrated my birthday, but it wasn’t as festive as mine. It wasn’t a surprise party as well; he had already known that we had prepared the birthday party for him, and there were lesser people present (just the rest of the band, our manager and assistant manager, his immediate family, some of our closest friends and a few acquaintances) at that time. But, as what I had personally noticed, even though the party was just simple and not grand at all, Pete seemed happier – cheerier than the past few days.

As I watched him from my seat, it was as if I was looking at a whole new different person, but it couldn’t be, because I was just watching at Pete Wentz—my best friend. I had known the man for years. I wasn’t even sure why I was questioning his happiness. The dark-haired bassist had the right to be happy after all, particularly on his very special day. I eyed him as he stood by the food table together with Joe, laughing loudly along with something Brendon Urie (he was the vocalist of Panic! At the Disco) had told them as Pete held a cup of coke on one hand. He really looked genuinely happy.