What's Wrong With Us? {Cashby}

21| Late Night At The Park

Fuck, I slipped up last night guys. It just kinda freaking happened. Everything got to much and I acted impulsively. It wasn't too bad or anything but I regret it. I don't even know why I'm writing this idk to vent I guess. I don't even know. My mind is muddled right now. Everything just seems to be pressing in on me and I can't do any fucking thing right. I'm trying to please everyone but it's not working and I'm not sleeping so that just adds to it. My classes are stressing me. My dad is stressing me. My grandmother is stressing me. Heck even my friends are stressing me. I know none of this isn't really an excuse and it doesn't justify anything by any means and But you can't change the past.

Sorry for ranting guys, but on the bright side I've got updates waiting because I needed a distraction lol. Anyway enjoy the chapter and have a lovely day you beautiful little creatures
💕🖤💕🖤💕🖤💕🖤💕

Chapter dedications!!!
@PrettyWreckless22
@andys_eyebrows
@3_00alien

Alan's POV

I sat on the park bench and pulled my hoodie tighter around myself. The night air was cool and I was shivering not only because it was cold but because this place looked kinda creepy. I went past this park all the time but during the day time. At night with only the few working street lamps to brighten it, it didn't help that I was sitting directly under a streetlight either, it looked like something out of a horror story and I really hoped Austin got here soon.

I wondered what all he wanted to talk about. If it was just to check on me because my Dad was so mad or if he wanted to talk about the kiss, or could there be something entirely different he wanted to talk about. I had no clue but I was anxious to find out.

"Alan?" I turned around quickly at the sound of my name and saw Austin standing behind the bench with his hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans.
"Austin." I said and he was quick, once he realized it was me, to come over and take a seat beside of me on the old bench. He stared down at the ground a few moments before looking up at me.
"Alan I-," he stopped and stared at me intently. He brung a hand up and pushed some hair behind my ear, his expression hardened. "Did he hit you?" I suddenly became very aware of the slight bruise on my cheek and pulled my face away from Austin's hand. "Alan tell me." Austin said in a quiet voice.

"He did bu-"
"No buts Alan. That's fucking uncalled for and I want to go show him what it fucking feels like." His fists clenched and at the sight I placed a hand over his.
"It's okay Austin. I promise. It's the first time it's happened. He thought irrationally." I said trying to ease his mind. I had no clue if this would he the last time my Dad hit me but I did know it was the first and I had some hope in him that he wouldn't purposely hurt his own child if he was in his right mind.

"This is all my fault." Austin said in a quiet voice.
"Austin that's bullshit."
"Alan it's not," he looked at me with a broken expression. "If I hadn't....if I hadn't kissed you then you wouldn't have had to lie to Mrs. Adams and then she wouldn't have told your Dad. It was my fault and I'm so so sorry."
"There's no need to apologize."
"I should have never kissed you!" His voice rose slightly.

I stared at him startled and just nodded my head. I guess my Dad wasn't the only one acting impulsively earlier. There was no meaning behind that kiss he just want-
"That's not that I meant!" He tried to correct and let out a nervous breath of air.
"Then what did you mean?" I asked, confused.
"I meant I shouldn't have kissed you there. If I had been more careful then you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"Why did you kiss me in the first place?" I questioned. He looked down at the ground again and let out another breath of air.
"Because I wanted to. Alan I have no clue what you're doing to make me feel the way I do but I couldn't control myself. I just had to see if all of these thoughts were delusions or if I could actually like you in that way. Turns out I can. Never in a million year did I think I would willing kiss another dude because I had a crush on them but you," he pointed to me. "You're special."

I didn't have time to say anything to him because he was pulling me closer to him. He used one hand to cup my unbruised cheek and the other laced together with mine. He stared at me a moment and then kissed me softly. His lips were smooth yet slightly chapped, and even though it was an odd combination I really liked it.

The kiss was gentle and I could feel him pouring everything he wanted to say into it. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine and caught his breath. His one hand still laid on my cheek and the other one was still intertwined with mine.
"Alan I don't get these feelings but I don't want to stop them either."
"Then don't." I told him in a whisper.
"But how do you feel about me. This whole time you've listen to me confess my confused feelings but you haven't said a word." I didn't know where my feelings exactly lied with Austin but I had a pretty good idea.

"I want to see where this goes. It's all new to me too. I can't say that I have a definite crush on you, I literally just found out earlier you might not be completely straight, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try. I think I could really like you Austin. Let's just take it slow."
"Slow it is then." He said and placed another soft kiss on my lips.