What's Wrong With Us? {Cashby}

40| Back To The Wall

I haven't been writing and I'm sorry lovelies. My birthday came and I always get kinda depressed around that time and well yeah I just didn't have the motivation to write. I'm going to try and get chapters out more regularly. Thanks for sticking to the stories loves💕 I hope you guys have a great day/evening/night💕🍀💕🍀💕🍀

Alan's POV

I sat with my knees pulled to my chest as the water from the shower head spilled over my pale frame. The water was as hot as it would go but still didn't seem hot enough. I tried so hard to wash any trace of her away. I scratched and scrubbed at my skin so hard it was a bright red, some little places even scratched open letting little drops of blood turn the water the palest shade of pink before washing down the drain. I didn't know what else to do. All I knew was that I couldn't stand the thought of her hands on me.

I heard a light knock on the bathroom door but I chose to ignore it. I wanted to be alone right now. I could faintly hear Kellin telling Vic to do something before he was knocking on the door again.
"Alan? You've been in there an hour." I heard Kellin say in a soft voice." I didn't answer. "Please come out. If you don't want to talk you don't have to just please come out here. You can lay down for a while." I hugged my knees closer. "Alan please answer me." Kellin said with worry in his voice as I heard him try the door again.
"I'll be down in a few." I said just loud enough so he could hear me.
"Alan can I come in?" He asked and I shook my head. I knew he couldn't see but but I figured he got the point when I didn't give a verbal answer.

I don't know how much longer I sat in the shower. All I did know was that now the water was freezing and I was chilled to the bone instead of being burnt alive. I slowly reached my hand out to stop the flow of water and I was quick to grab my towel to dry off. As soon as I stepped out of the shower I faced the mirror.

Tears instantly poured from my eyes and I couldn't help but grip the edge of the counter hard. There were marks, tiny bruises....hickies, all around my neck. The sight made my stomach churn and i started to turn away but caught a glimpse of my back. From the weird angle I was at I could make out light red scratch marks that stretched across my pale skin. I looked back at my reflection and I couldn't help the tears that fell free, I couldn't help that it became hard to breathe, and I couldn't help that I pulled my fist back and shattered the glass.

I immediately heard loud footsteps after the sound of the mirror breaking. I cried helplessly and sank down to the floor as they pounded on the door screaming for me. The thumps against the door got louder and more aggressive until the door was broke down and I was met with an overly worried Austin pulling me to his chest.

"Alan? Baby? Please talk to me. Are you okay?" He questioned frantically as he held me to his chest. My sobs only became louder and I clutched on to Austins shirt. He held me tightly and I clung to him desperately. It was weird how desperate and quick I was to cling to him, especially since earlier I didn't want to touch anyone, but Austin made me feels safe. I knew he wouldn't let anything bad purposely happen to me.

And with that thought I fell almost completely limp in his arms and cried. I released every emotion I had been trying to contain. I felt him move an arm under my leg and one around my back. He was gentle as he picked me up and carried me out of the bathroom. I was still crying , but now silently, as he laid me down on the bed. I immediately curled in on myself and sobbed as I clutched the bed sheets.

I felt Austin's hand trace down my bare back and I was quick to shoot up into an upright position. My only thought being that he had see the scratch marks. If he could see them he could see the rest.
"C-clothes." I said quietly.  Austin gave me a simple head nod and he turned to the set drawers against the wall.  He ruffed through the clothing in the drawers until he turned back towards me with a t shirt and some sweaters. He handed them to me silently before he turned back to search for some boxers. He found some quickly and I took them from him and slid them up my legs along with the other articles of clothing.

"Alan?" He said quietly as I finished pulling the shirt over my head. "Baby what happened?" He knelt down in front of me and took my hands into his. My eyes were trained on my knees and my hands in his. He turned my hands over and I grimaced at the site of my torn open knuckles on my right hand. I heard Austin curse quietly under his breathe and then he squeezed my hand lightly.
"I'm going to get some stuff to clean your hand up, okay? I'll be right back." He then kissed the top of my head and left the room.

The kiss brought tears to my eyes because once Austin found out what happened there's no way he'd want to kiss me again. He'd be disgusted of me. Just like I am of myself.