What's Wrong With Us? {Cashby}

18| I Act Before I Think

I'm so sorry this is late guys, I've been really stressed and exhausted, but I'm getting back on track!

Anyway I hope you all enjoy the chapter! Have a splendid day/night/evening lovelies😘

Alan's POV

"And she kept putting her hands all over me and I seriously just wanted her to stop. That's when Austin showed up and got me out of there." I explained to Kellin and Vic as we sat outside of the therapy building in Vic's car. Vic was extremely pissed and Kellin was too, but he was more concerned with how I was taking things. I reassured him I was okay. It's not like she actually did anything. Vic on the other hand was mad because Mrs. Adams even allowed something like that to happen.

He told me that back when the place was first put in they did things worse than that but now most of them were against the law so they didn't practice certain methods anymore. He was worried Mrs. Adams would try something like that on me. I tried to tell him it was unlikely but he wasn't listening.

Once Frank, Gerard, and Oli showed up we got out of the car and the first thing Vic did was tell them what happened to me. Everyone was pissed now and I kept telling them they were overreacting. While I was arguing with them Austin came out and walked up the our small group.
"It's time to start." He said ending our  conversation. We all just nodded and Austin started to walk away. Only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks for getting Alan away from that girl." Kellin told him. Austin smiled at him and simply nodded his head. Kellin removed his hand and he walked back to the building with us trailing behind.

We all sat in our designated chairs and waited for Mrs. Adams to do her long boring speech she did every time. It started out with a simple good morning and summary of her day or week. Then she basically told us we were demons amongst the living and that if we didn't straighten up we would burn in hell. Now this of course wasn't exactly what she said, but if she had said this it would save her some breath.

We then went around the circle telling something about our week and that was boring until Vic started describing in detail about jerking off to gay porn. Mrs. Adams face was blood red and I was sure it would burst at any moment. She screamed at Vic and told him she would be informing his parents of the 'vile' things their child was doing. Little did she know Vic parents didn't really even care.

She went on a little longer about the wrongs of being gay and whatever 'fake' gender or sexuality we came up with and then let us split into our groups. Austin pulled his chair in front of mine and smiled at me, which I returned.
"So today I just thought we would talk a little. Let me get to know your side of things and how you see things. Is that alright?" He asked. I nodded my head "Okay so first off, tell me what you first notice in a guy?"

Austin's POV

I listened, lost in Alan's words as he explained that the first things he notices in a guy his their eyes and personality. He said someone's eyes hold so much emotion and if people actually took the time to look into them they could find so much beneath the surface.

As he spoke I felt myself studying his eyes. He was right. You could tell a lot by just looking in someone's eyes. I saw the way they glinted as he talked about something passionate but behind that glint was sadness. He didn't want to be here. Didn't want his sexuality questioned or judges. He just wanted to be accepted for who he was, not forced to change. The longer I watched him talk the stronger the sadness in my heart for him grew. This wasn't right. None of it was.

"Hey...hey Austin?"
"Huh?" I said pulling myself from my thoughts.
"I'm ready for another question." He laughed.
"Oh okay.  So tell me, how do you feel when you're around someone you like?" I was very interested to hear his answer if I was being honest. We're the feelings any different than what I felt when I liked a girl?

"Well I've not experienced it very much. I've been closeted most of my life." He ran a hand through his hair. "But it's just like you would feel if you really liked a girl. You'd want to be around them all the time."

Yes.

"You'd want to listen to them ramble on and on,"

Yes.

"Protect them from getting hurt. Just keep them safe."

Yes.

"Run your finger through their hair."

Yes, my eyes flickered to Alan's red locks and my fingers twitched slightly.

"You want to know their quirks and fears."

I want to know anything and everything.

"You want them to be happy."

So so happy.

"Hug them."

Tightly.

"Kiss them."

Passionately.

"Hold their hand."

I got caught up in Alans little speech and without thinking I reached out and gently grabbed his hand. He stopped talking abruptly and looked down, causing my eyes to drift to the pale limb between my fingers.

"Umm you want to keep them close and tell them every little secret and umm make sure they know they're beautiful. Gi-"
"Do you know you're beautiful Alan?" I said without thinking.
"Huh?" He stared at me confused and when I looked up at him reality set it. Here I was basically holding Alan's hand and I had called him beautiful. I pulled my hands from him and hastily got up from the chair. I rushed from the building. Just wanting to get out of there. I had no clue what just happened.

I banged my fist on the hood of my car and almost screamed. I had never felt the need to grab someone's hand like that before. Never, not even a girl. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I wasn't necessarily opposed to it either. There was something about Alan that just made me want him, to be around him, to do all of the stuff he mentioned earlier.

I felt the need to go back and try to explain why I ran out. May-
"Austin!"