Ryan has a panic attack and Dallon finds him in the middle of it.
-Ryan-
"Ryan, you father... he... he didn't make it," The doctor tells me. I feel my heart sink and tears immediately form as I choke out a response.
"Thank you," I say, barely even a whisper.
"Ryan, are you okay?" Spencer asks me. I snap out of the memory, my heart sinking. Spencer and I met just a week ago, but he did meet my dad, since the first time we met was the day we hung out at my house. Just the thought of my dad makes my heart sink. Especially since it has only been three days since... you know.
Spencer has his bag over his shoulder, and I am sitting in the corner. I go to speak, but just tug at the end of my sleeves. I look out the window, where it is currently snowing, then feel my heart sink, memories of past Christmases coming to mind. My dad never was a huge winter fan, but fairly enjoyed Christmas when he wasn't drinking.
Something wet falls onto my hand, causing me to realize the tears falling from my eyes. My heart speeds up and it feels as if I can't breathe, yet feels like my lungs are on fire.
"Ryan?" Spencer asks, but his voice is fading out. A few more students look at me, causing my anxiety to go up, especially when they start to crowd me. This is the moment where Dallon told me to ask him if we could leave, but Dallon isn't here, so I can't.
"Ryan, what are you doing?" Spencer asks, soon joined by other voices.
"Are you okay?"
"What is happening?"
"Why are you crying?"
"Crybaby," One person says. I don't know where Spencer has gone, but now I'm crowded around people I don't know. They're all looking me like I'm a freak.
But I am a freak, aren't I?
"What a freak..." another says, just proving my point with their fading voice.
"Such a baby..."
"What's happening?" A girl who is hiding behind her boyfriend says.
"Stupid emo faggot probably crying cause someone wouldn't fuck him," A guy says, causing them all to laugh. I squeeze my eyes closed and all voices fade, turning into a loud, sharp ringing. The fire in my lungs has grown, close to a forest fire. A small pain erupts from my head as my fingers grip my hair violently.
My skin is cold, like ice. Like the snow that hurts to touch because you felt so warm. The shaking from my body doesn't quite help my thoughts, as it actually boosts my anxiety. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be center of attention.
I want Dallon.
But we can't always have what we want, now can we?
-Dallon-
"I don't know, how about 1?" Pete asks me. We are currently planning a surprise party for Ryan, as he has seemed a little down recently but won't tell anyone what's wrong.
"Yeah, that sounds-"
"Dallon, Dallon!" I hear a voice yell. Pete and I stop and turn around, seeing a out of breath Spencer running up to us. "I've been trying to look for you..." he says, catching his breath.
"What's wrong?" I ask, noticing how worried he seems.
"It's... Ryan, he... he is doing the... the thing..."
"The thing?"
"The... shaking, crying... he was looking out the window then... people started crowding him, and-" My eyes widen.
"Where is he?" I ask.
"Drama room, but-" I don't hear the rest of what he is saying as I drop my books and run through the crowded hallway towards the drama room, which is on the other side of the campus. By the time I get there, I am nearly out of breath, part of me glad for taking track and field. I burst through the doors, earning everyone's attention.
"Move," I simply say. Everyone moves, suddenly scared of me and my demanding tone. I rush up to a shaking and crying Ryan. Spencer and Pete soon walk in, as well as Brendon. They make everyone clear out of the room as I kneel down in front of Ryan. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
"Ryan, baby, can you hear me?" I ask calmly, placing a hand on his hands and gently making him let go of his hair. I hold his hands and fix his hair, rubbing the back of his hands with my thumb.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now, no one can hurt you. There's nothing to be scared of," I whisper soothingly into his ear. His grip on my hands soon relax as I continue to whisper calming words, occasionally calling him baby, babe, honey, sweetheart, and so on. The three boys look at me in confusion, shock, and worry everytime I call him a pet name. Ryan and I are dating, but we never bothered to tell anyone. We didn't think it was a big deal, and now everyone thinks we're just really close best friends since we always hug and are with each other.
"Dal..." Ryan manages to choke out as his body loosens up a bit. He is still shaking and is actually very cold. I take off my sweater, revealing a white button up shirt. I pull it over his cold body, helping him put his arms in the sleeves.
"It's okay, baby," I start. Ryan looks at me with red puffy eyes before wrapping his arms around me tightly, burying his face into my neck. "I got you," I say quietly in his ear, my arm around his back. I use my other arm to pick him up bridal style, turning around to face the boys.
They open the door for me and I carry Ryan to an empty room, the three boys watching us from the corner. I set Ryan down on the couch and sit next to him. This room is usually used for when students need a break, but not many know about it.
Ryan looks at his shaky hands as he tugs at my sleeves on his wrist. I wrap one arm around him, gently rubbing his shoulder.
"What's wrong, baby?" I ask quietly, earning another look from the boys.
"You know... remember when we said we would never lie to each other?" Ryan asks. I nod.
"And how you asked me if I was okay when I didn't go to school the other day? Well I wasn't okay. I'm not even okay right now."
"Ry-"
"My dad died," He suddenly says, almost a little too forcefully. Ryan and I both know that his dad was abusive occasionally, which of course made me upset, but Ryan sure as hell loved him.
Everyone stops, and my heart sinks.
"A-And I didn't wanna say anything, but I started thinking of him and started shaking and crying and I didn't know what to do and-" he stops. He looks up at me, the boys now all shocked. "Make it better?" He asks. When either of us are upset, we usually say 'make it better' as a way of asking for a kiss. Like when you're a kid and get a scratch, your mom would 'kiss it better'.
I place my left hand on the side of his neck, leaning in and kissing him deeply. All the tension in his body fades and he places his hands on the sides of my neck, kissing back. I hear a small gasp come from the three boys.
I pull away after a few seconds, staring into Ryan's glossy eyes.
"I love you, Ryan. I really do. I love you so much," I say.
"I love you too, Dal," Ryan says quietly, also not used to saying that with other people other than my family in the room.
"I'll always be here for you, okay? We will always be here for you," I say, looking at the boys. They all nod, a sad smile on their faces.
Ryan and I look back at each other and I pull him into a hug.
"Thank you, babe..."
"Always, baby..." I whisper.
