Ryan misses Dallon, and his therapist isn't helping.
-Ryan-
"So," Mark, my new therapist, starts. "Tell me about your boyfriend. Dallon, Right?" I nod, confirming.
"Yea, Dallon and I are currently engaged," I explain, looking down at the ring on my finger. "He proposed around three months ago. I'm not sure if he has invited Spencer and Brendon yet. I don't even think they know that we are together. In fact, I am pretty sure they think we know nothing about each other."
"Now who are Spencer and Brendon? I am assuming that you are all friends?" Mark writes something down on his notepad. What he wrote, that's a mystery to me.
"Well, a long time ago, I was in a band called Panic! At The Disco. It was Brendon, Spencer, Jon, and I. Well, Jon and I left, and Dallon joined. He used to be a lead singer for another band I liked, and one day we ran into each other. Not even a week later, we were dating," I explain. Mark nods, writing more. I patiently wait until he is done to speak up again.
"I love Dallon. Well, of course I love him, we are getting married in a month, but Dallon means everything to me. He helped me through a tough time..." I look down, remembering the dark times. Mark raises an eyebrow, curiosity filling his eyes.
"What time?"
"I was depressed. Over the edge suicidal. Probably try to commit suicide every week. Attempt, lose energy, use the energy another week later to attempt it again. Dallon... well, Dallon found me one week. I forgot he was coming over and.. he found me with blood and cuts on my wrists. That was, uh... that was a month after we started dating." Mark writes some more. The memory comes back to mind.
"Ryan?" Dallon asks through the bedroom door. My heart is now racing in my chest, terrified of what to do. Blood runs down my arm, the several cuts on each wrist stinging.
"You don't want to see me," is all that I can say. Anyone who can hear can hear the pain and fear in my voice as blood falls onto the floor.
"Ryan, what's going on?" Dallon asks, suddenly worried.
"I-I... I'm... I..." I try to speak, but I can't form any sentences. The door opens, making my heart sink. Dallon's gaze meets mine before immediately going to my arms.
"Ryan...?" He asks. I can't move.
"I... I didn't want you to see me like this..." I choke out.
"Oh my god..." He says. He steps closer. I walk past him, rushing to clean the blood up in the bathroom. I turn the sink on, putting my arm underneath it. The water stings my already numb wrist, the blood in the sink soon turning clear. I try my best to ignore Dallon standing next to me. I grab a towel and dry my arms. Unfortunately, I didn't cut deep enough for my arms to bleed a lot, meaning they aren't bleeding as much anymore.
"Baby?" Dallon suddenly asks. I don't speak. I roll my sleeves down and wrap my arms around Dallon. He holds me close as I shakily breathe, tears running down my cheeks.
"When was the first time you cut?" Mark breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Six years ago. Spencer was the first to find out. Then Jon, then Brendon. Brendon did all he could to help, never letting me be alone," I say. Mark nods, his silence letting me know that he wants me to continue. "I stopped. You know, for a while. I was with Dallon at the time."
"Why'd you start again?"
"I got scared," I briefly explain. "Scared of losing him, told myself I didn't deserve someone as amazing as him. I lied so much to myself that I actually believed that Dallon didn't want anything to do with me. Then.. then he told me he loved me for the first time. It's cheesy, but... when you're going through a dark time and someone who you think hates you tells you he loves you the way Dallon did, you'll believe it." I smile as I look down at my ring. Mark nods once again, not looking away from the notepad.
