Just another lonely girl

6

I still couldn't sleep. It has been hours since I received hat message. There were alot of questions again.

Naalala ko na naman ang mga nangyare dati. Naalala ko na naman ang mga taong umabuso sa akin. Naaalala ko na naman ang mga masasakit na sila na sinabi nila sa akin.

Pakiramdam ko wala akong halaga. Hindi ko deserve lahat ng meron ako. Hindi ko deserve ang mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko deserve na mabuhay sa mundo na to.

But with that single message...I remembered something. I remember God.

Does God really love me? They said that we are the children of God. They said na hindi tayo papabayaan ng Dyos.

But why do I feel this? If God loves me then why did he let me suffer? Why am I like this? Why am I still unhappy with my life?

I don't want to question God but I can't help it.

If God loves me and won't let me be, then why am I like this?

I'm currently at our classroom, putting on my smile.

Yung totoo lang, parang makeup ko na ang ngiti ko. Nilalagay ko lang at paglubog ng araw ay tatanggalin ko rin agad. Nilalagay lang para magmukhang presentable. Para magmukhang okay.

We are currently having our last math assesment and my mind suddenly went black like I didn't learn anything at all. Jiane and I kept on talking using a paper and we just kept on drawing until our time runs out.

I just couldn't absorb anything when it comes to math. Our classmates are disturbing us by borrowing correction tape to Jiane.

I think I'm gonna die solving all of these equation. Kamukha pa nga ni Herbert Bautista ang teacher namin.

And Jiane is going crazy. Gimagamit kasi niya ang correction tape but our classmates keep borrowing it.

Sabi nga kasi nila, ang correction tape ng isa, correction tape ng lahat.

"Bwesit, edi sainyo na correction ko" bulong ni Jiane at napangiti nalang ako.

Whenever our teacher stands up, we pretend that we are solving that we are solving even though we're just writing random numbers. What we are doing is not the best thing to do but that is better than stressing ourselves, drowning ourselves into numbers even though we don't really get it.

Time passed by quickly and it was already our dismissal. I decided to go home by myself and take the jeep. As I was walking, I saw a familiar guy waving at me. It was that guy.

I walked pass him but he grab my wrist.

"Ano ba?"

"Tell me whats wrong" he said

"Anong pinagsasabi nito?" I said and fake laughed

"I saw you wiping your tears earlier" he said

"Ah...ganun ba? Yung ano...yung ano kasi yun, yung naluha dahil sa aircon" I lied

"Then if thats case then bakit namamaga yung mata mo?" He asked and I went silent for a while.

"You know, thats none of you business right?" I said as calmly as I could

"But as a person, I care" He said

"But you as a person should only care for a certain person. And if thats the case, then you shouldn't care for me." I said trying to stay strong.

"Bakit ba ang tigas tigas mo sa sarili mo?! Bakit ang sama sama mo sa sarili mo? Bakit ayaw mo magkaroon ng pake ang mga tao sayo?!" Sigaw nito sa akin