I was pacing back and forth in my room. I began asking my self a series of questions:
What just happened?
Why did that happen?
Should I call Abby?
Should I tell anyone?
Why didn't I kiss him?
Why didn't he just go for it?
Should I have went for it?
I had a hard time processing everything. I didn't know what to think. On one hand, a part of me really did want to kiss him. I felt this urge, like, I needed to. But, on the other hand there's still that small part of me that's scared. I've never kissed anyone before, And to kiss someone that I practically just met seems a little ridiculous. I'm not even sure if these feelings or whatever are real. Why is this so frustrating?
I don't want to rush into anything. I barely know the guy. It's not like I go to school with him (That's clearly impossible, I go to an all-girl school.) or live across the street. He's not the boy next door. This is a guy whom hundreds of thousands of girls swoon over. He could have any pretty girl he pointed at. Yet, out of all the wide-eyed fangirls, it looks like he chose me.
I've always been the chaser,never chased. I'm no one special. He deserves someone special.
My thoughts were interrupted when I got a text from Abby.
A: sooooooo how'd it go with magic boy?
I debated whether or not I should tell her what really happened or just avoid talking about it.
E: it was okay
A: define okay
E: he walked me home....we talked a little...got to know each other
A: annnnd?
E: that's it
A: what do you mean that's it?
E: that's it...nothing else happened
A: what are you not telling me?
E: nothing....trust me
A: okay, but just to make sure i'm gonna ask him
E: please don't do that
A: tell me then
E: there's nothing else i swear
A: okay then
The conversation was on pause for about fifteen minutes.
A: i'm back
E: did you talk to him?
A: yup
E: what'd he tell you?
A: nothing.....i tried everything....he won't budge. he told me that everything's fine
E: told ya so
A: yeah, yeah but i still think something's up
E: if there was i'd tell you but there isn't so get over it..besides i gotta go i have 10 years worth of homework to finish
A: kk see you tmw
I put my phone to the side and tried as best as I could to focus on homework. I tried every possible method. Nothing. All I could think about was the kiss that almost was.This went on for about three hours. I looked at the clock, it was almost nine. As I normally do, I took a break to look through my Twitter TL, my favorite pass time.
I began to relax a little. I was able to think a little clearer and focus on what needed to be done. Everything was going smoothly, until, I noticed a blue dot in the corner of my screen. It was of course, Collins.
C: hey Em i was kinda hoping we could talk about what happened today. things got a little awkward.
What was there to talk about? What was I gonna say? It's not that easy to talk about something like this. It's not like I didn't want to know what was on his mind. I just couldn't get my mind together. I'm pretty sure he was just as nervous as I was, maybe even more.
I didn't respond. I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready to talk. I needed time for myself. I needed to think things through.
