Lost in Love

(8)

It has been a long day. Kahit ang pag-uwi sa bahay parang ayaw ko na.

Made sure I locked the gate. I get inside and locked the door. I put my bag on the centre table. Dumiretso ako sa kusina and opened the fridge. Halos wala nang laman. Puro tubig nalang. Kelangan nang maggrocery. I get my tumbler and directly drink water from it.

Ang sarap ng tubig. Parang nadehydrate ako sa mga nangyari. As I was thinking, parang yesterday has been last year.

After drinking I get my bag and nagpunta na ako sa kwarto, locked the door. Sabay nahiga sa kama. Pumikit nang madiin. Hindi pa ako matutulog. Gusto ko lang ipahinga ang mga mata ko.

Mahirap din palang mag-isa. Pag mga ganitong may nangyayari sayong hindi maganda, wala man lang concern na mangangamusta sayo pag-uwi. Wala man lang maghahain ng pagkain sayo. Wala man lang magagalit kung bakit inumaga ka na ng uwi. Walang sermon.

I decided to live all by myself when I was in 3rd year college. I wanted to prove to anyone na I am independent and that I can stand alone despite all the hardships I've been even before.

I am the only child. Laking probinsiya ako, from Bulacan. It was my Lola who took care of me since then. I was five years old when my mom died cause of severe asthma. I witnessed how my dad grieves and cried a thousand tears every night when my mom passed away. Napadalas yung pag-uwi niya ng lasing. Yung Lola ko walang magawa kapag naghihintay ako sa pag-uwi ni Daddy kahit late na. I was so young at that age wanting him realize that he only lost my mom. Na nandito pa din naman ako.

Back in kindergarten, I was a top student. I earned a lot of awards. I even got my valedictory speech (the scripted one, gawa ni teacher). Pero hindi umattend si daddy. Si Lola lang. Kahit nung nagpaparty si Lola for me, hindi din lumabas si daddy ng kwarto niya. That night, sinilip ko siya sa kwarto. He's asleep. Nakita ko na may luha pa din sa mata niya. He just cried. Hawak niya pa yung picture ni Mommy. Naiyak nalang din ako and I kissed him gently sa noo. I really love him. Love them both.

Up until one day, I noticed na nagiging okay na si daddy. Sabay na ulit kaming kumakain. Paminsan-minsan ngumingiti na siya. Lumalabas siya pero uuwi na siya nang maaga and hindi na din siya lasing. Siguro nakita niya yung mga medals and certificates ko na inayos ni Lola para idisplay sa sala. At last, he's recovering.

He was inside his room one night when I knocked on the door. He smiled at me and I came in. May mga inaayos siyang papers.

"Dad, test papers ko ba yan?"

"No, baby. These are mine."

"Hmm, inaayos mo lang? Bakit, magulo ba?"

"Hindi naman." Ipinasok niya yung mga papel sa isang brown envelope then hugged me.

"Namiss mo akong yakapin, Daddy no?" nagbiro pa ako.

"Of course! I miss my baby so much." He lets go of me and held my shoulders. "Be a good girl kay Lola ha?"

"I am and I'll always be a good girl naman kay Lola and sayo Daddy." I smiled.

"I know. Baby, daddy has to go work abroad."

"Where is abroad?"

"Malayo, baby. Hindi kita pwedeng isama. Sasakay kasi ako ng airplane."

"Pero babalik ka naman di ba everyday?"

"No, baby. When I do that, mapapagod si daddy. Not even on weekends. Maybe every year?"

"Gano ba katagal yung every year, daddy?"

"Let's say every birthday mo."

"Mabilis lang yun! Lola says every day is my birthday daw eh."

He laughed and pinched my nose.