Lost in Love

(9)

I and dad talked about my college life while he was driving on our way back to Manila. He borrowed one of my uncle's cars to drive me home.

On the road, I told him I did everything just to get awards every year wishing he would come back to go up with me on stage. Only to find out he can't cause aside from working states (for me daw), he already had his new family na pala.

It broke my heart. Hindi dahil sa ayaw ko ng bagong mommy, pero dahil hindi man lang niya ipinaalam sa akin. Sabi niya, natakot daw siya na baka mag-reject ako. Big word! Reject? Well kung gagawin ko man yun, only because sa kanya ko lang siguro natutunan yung salitang rejection.

Hindi ko nalang pinalaki pa yung issue. Matanda na ako para makipagtalo sa buhay pag-ibig niya. Maybe mom is happy na rin for both of them. Besides, I think he deserves to be happy again.

Kwento niya, the lady is a Filipina nurse working there as well and they got one baby. A baby brother. He even showed me the picture. They got this same scenario that happened na yung mga naging asawa nila is namatay cause of illness. No one to blame. The first time they fell in love, they were hurt. Till fate came in again. Fate nga ba? Fate din ba na namatay yung mga naunang asawa nila? Siguro. O baka naman may ibang tawag sa new chances. Co-incidence? Baka. Baka din hindi.

Since I did him a favor not to make angal sa lovelife niya, he owes me one. That's when I opened up to him I want to live independently. At first ayaw niya. Pero sino ba naman siya para umangal? He's just a man who turns out as my dad.

I blurted out unintentionally, "Ever since, I was left alone naman and I was independent. So you have nothing to worry about. I can manage myself."

I noticed he was hurt by my choice of words. But he made me this. He made me tough and hard headed, stoned heart.

And I had his, "Okay fine. I trust you."

We both looked for an apartment, rent to own, the one I got now. Dad helped me paint my room, decorate the house and buy some stuff. I feel like I was reborn. New life it is.

We spent days and nights living together till he needs to get back to states. Of course a part of me doesn't want that to happen. I know I asked for being independent but the thought of being left alone AGAIN hurts me. I don't want to keep him from going back; I know someone else there is waiting for him.

I and dad exchanged numbers and addresses before he left. Even emails and Facebook accounts. We felt like we're strangers before getting deeply in love now. He hugged me so tight and I hugged him back. I also sent my regards to my new mom and my younger brother.

Next time he promised, he will take me there and we will live happily together. That I need to think of. I can pay a visit but leaving my freedom here? Maybe not.

I almost jumped out when my phone rings... Nawala na naman ako sa present dimension ko.

I am still laid back on my bed when I tried to reach for my phone inside my bag. When I checked, it was him calling.

I don't know if I'll answer it.

Nasaan na ba yung alter ego ko? Kelangan ko ng magdedecide for myself.

See. There she is. Sitting on the egde of the bed, sad. She nodded asking me to answer the phone. Mangangamusta lang naman yan. She was so calm. Natakot ata nung nasigawan ko kanina.

I swiped my phone. I'm not talking.

Dead air lang. May tao ba sa kabilang line?

"Mia..."

Meron.

"Yes?"

"Just checking if you're home already."

"Yes, I am."

"Are you alright?"

"I guess so."

"What happened last night?"

"Edward, I'm not in the liberty to tell you tales right now. It has been a long day for me."

"S-sorry..."

Wow! He's not the sorry-type-of-a-guy I know.

I do not answer. I know what he is sorry for. And I won't take sorry for it.

"Go and take some rest. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good night, baby. Sweet dreams."

I do not answer.

After few seconds, he hangs up.

Baby. I can't even remember the last time he called me baby. It's been awhile.

Baby. No comment.

I'm not mad at him. I can't get mad at him. Maybe because I was hurt. I was offended. That's the right term. Hindi niya man lang ako pinuntahan.

Wala nang bago dun. Sanay na ako.

Almost crying, I pulled myself up to my pillows and curl myself with blanket. And I fell asleep. Deep sleep.