Lost in Love

(12)

Mahaba-habang pagcocontemplate din pala yung ginawa ko. Mag-aalas dos na ng madaling araw nung naligo at nagbihis ako. Pagkatapos ay lumabas ako ng kwarto at nagpunta sa kusina.

Binuksan ko yung ilaw at nakita kong may nakatakip sa mesa.

Hmm, ano kayang niluto niya?

Magaling si Edward magluto. Ilang beses na siyang nagluto sa kusina ko. He has duplicate of my house keys kaya kahit wala ako dito napagluluto niya ako basta may free time siya or pag stressed siya. Stress reliever niya ata yung makikita niyang may kumakain ng niluluto niya.

Madalas di ko nagagalaw itong kusina, hindi naman kasi ako marunong magluto. Prito lang tsaka pagsasaing.

Isa pang gusto niyang matutunan ko e yung pakainin ko man lang yung sarili ko sa tamang oras. Madalas nagpapalipas ako ng pagkain. Kakain lang ako kapag nakaramdam ako ng gutom.

Pagbukas ko ng takip, fried rice, corned beef, at tsaka longganisa yung niluto niya. Napangiti ako. Dinner daw, eh pang-breakfast 'to. I appreciate the effort and the thought. Never will he fail me with his stuff.

I can feel my tummy rumbling. Gutom na nga ako. Last na kain ko ay nung kaninang umaga pa. Nung kasama ko si Ivan.

Naisip ko bigla si Ivan pero nawala din nung bigla kong naalala yung pagtatalo namin ng alter ego ko sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Baka nga may girlfriend siya.

Nagtimpla ako ng hot choco. Naupo sa kusina at tsaka kumain.

Ito na ata ang pinakamasaganang hapunan ng buong buhay ko. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari kahapon o kanina, talagang nanamnamin ko ang sarap ng niluto niya.

Malapit na akong matapos sa pagkain ko ng tumunog yung phone ko. Tumayo ako tsaka ako tumakbo papuntang kwarto para tignan.

Glad he called.

Sobrang excited niya siguro nung sinagot ko.

"Hello, baby! How are you?"

"Hi, dad. I'm good. Kamusta kayo?"

Two o'clock PM palang sa Canada ngayon. 12 hrs ang difference.

"We're okay, dear. How's you weekend?"

Ikkwento ko ba sa kanya?

"Dad, it has been a long day. I was victimized by this occurring modus ng taxi driver kagabi."

"What do you mean 'gabi'?" Hindi ko marinig yung concern sa tono ng boses niya. Stiff as ever ang daddy ko.

"Well, dad, past 12MN na nung pauwi ako galing... galing sa coffee shop when I took a cab on the way home. Nabalitaan niyo ba yung mga driver na nag-sspray ng something para maparalyze yung passengers so they can get our stuff? That was what happened."

"Glad you're okay. W-wait! Buti you saved your phone?"

"I'm lucky enough somebody rescued me. Mag-daddy yung nakakita sakin on the road. I mean, I made a HELP sign using my phone and showed it in the window when their car is passing beside us."

"Matalino ka talaga." He chuckles. Nagawa pa niyang magbiro. Nangiti din ako.

"Kay Mommy ako nagmana noh!" Pagbibiro ko din.

I went outside my room and get back to my plate, munching.

"What are you doing now, honey?"

"Eating, dad. Kain po."

"Oh, no, thanks. Just finished. I called cause I miss you."

"You miss me? Then go home."

No answer.

"...Just kidding, dad. By the way, how's Tita Elena and Nigel? I miss talking to them. Pakisabi Skype ulit kami ni Nigel next weekend." God. I miss them.

"I'll tell them. Nasa hospital si Tita Elena mo, as usual, on call pa din. Nigel is in the backyard playing. Later we will go to the fair."

Lucky Nigel. Never did I experience fair nor happiness with my dad when I was a kid. Nakakaramdam ako ng selos paminsan-minsan pero masyado na ata akong matanda para magpa-baby kay daddy. Ang tagal bago ako nakasagot kaya nagsalita ulit si dad.

"Sweety, why don't you just live with us here?"

Can I? Magtatalo na naman kami ni daddy about this.

"Sure, dad. In time. I still consider that as one of my options in case ma-bore ako dito. Pero so far I'm enjoying my life. I am the master of my own destiny, remember?" I smiled. I hope he can see that. Or even feel I'm still happy being alone.

"We're always looking forward to that. Even Nigel wants his Ate here. Armia, you can easily get a job here since you're a college graduate. Or even took masterals here if you want. We can all build one happy family and celebrate holidays together... Anak, I miss you..."

"I miss you, dad..." Kung alam mo lang kung gano kita kamiss. I was almost in tears.

"Honey..."

"Dad, I think I need to finish first my food. Then I'll go to bed again after. Kelangan ko pa magpahinga ulit."

"Sure, darling. But before hanging up, promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay?"

Oo naman. Who else will take care of me?

"I will, dad. I promise."

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

Then I hang up.

Every daughter's first love is always their dad. Pero ako? Hindi ko masabi. Pag ba kinasal ako, will I tell my husband na he's just my prince and my dad will always be my king? Parang hindi. Still a big part of me is lost ever since my dad left me. Parang ang tagal-tagal kong kinikimkim yung sama ng loob ko sa kanya at hindi ko magawang ilabas.

Kaya siguro ako madaling nahulog kay Edward. He's 38 years old and I'm 21. Seventeen years age gap. Weird kung titignan pero wag niyo akong husgahan. I am not a minor. Walang makakapagsampa ng kaso laban sa kanya for child abuse. Age doesn't matter though. Hindi ko din lubos maisip na he'll capture me. Sa totoo lang he's living his bachelor life. When you see him, hindi siya mukhang 38. Para lang syang nasa late 20's.

Older man rocks. I tried dating younger guys or even those who are at my age pero no one get clicked. Hindi ko gusto yung sense of humor nila. Parang mga bata.

Hindi kaya naghahanap lang ako ng fatherly instinct? Imposible. Natatawa ako sa iniisip ko. No daughter will ever have sex with her dad. Unless gusto talaga nila ng incest.

Either or, I know I love him. Hindi lang dahil kulang ako sa atensyon ng daddy ko, pero alam kong gusto ko siya. Kahit pa alam kong mali. Kahit pa alam kong hindi pwede.