....
Hmmmmmmm... What should we do today???
Let's have a Jacob Sartorius songs rant marathon! Yeeeeyyyyy
I just found out that this elf has made lots of songs (for some reason)
I'm not gonna roast sweatshirt, we all know how bad it was 😄
He has this new recent song called 'Chopsticks'
(Yaayyy asian theme song!
I hope he's eating sushi and fighting the enemies with kung foo)
*Clicks on video*
He's jumping over a security pass, yaaayyy he is doing sum kung foo 😄
- I wore that hoodie to school this morning, cause it smells like you
You're going to smell like a used tampon!
- You sent a message saying I miss you baby around 2 in the afternoon
- [him and his girlfriend are walking around the city and stealing shit]
Aren't y'all supposed to be doing homework at that time?? 💀
- Baby baby take my heart away
Heart transplant ain't easy Jacub 💀
- Also the autotune is painful 😅
- Cause I've been thinkin' bout this night all day
Okay I'm half minute into the video and I am extremely disappointed that this isn't a kung foo asian theme!!
Wtaf jacub? I thought this is a video about chopsticks 😭
- You made a reservation, but all we need are 2 lips, 1 kiss
*CRINGE*
- Nothing between us but Chapstick
SHITTT!! I LEGITIMATELY THOUGHT THAT THE TITLE SAID "CHOPSTICKS"!!!!!!!!!
I am beyond disappointed 😤😤
I need a refund 🖕🏻🖕🏻
- Dogs fucking pizza's
HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!!
Omihgod at 1:16 you can hear him saying "Dogs fucking pizzas"!!!
Well that escalated quickly 😅!
Next SONG ▶️:
"Last Text".
*Clicks on video*
- Jacob walks to a random guy at a hotel who looks like he is going to anally rape him.
- 9 seconds in and he's pretending to play guitar.
- NOPE! It took him 18 seconds to start singing and it's already terrible 😊
- Send you that face with the heart eyes, tell you goodnight.
'SeNd yU tHaT fAcE wITh tHe hEaRt eYEs' !!!
Stop!
- Also, it's 9:03 PM according to his phone and he's saying 'Goodnight'
Told you he had an early curfew 😄
crazyadvill owes me 10£
- He made the creepiest face to his guitar HOLY HELL!!
- HOW DO PEOPLE EVEN LIKE THIS KID??? I LITERALLY PAUSR EVERY 5 SECONDS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING!!
- His phone is randomly taking pictures without holding it.
Told y'all he is satan's child!!
crazyadvill owes me 20£ now
- There's a ghost shadow at his room and he's not fazed at all!! Wtf😅
How is he not shitting himself??!!
Proving once again that he's satan's long lost child.
- The video ends with him and (his parents?) checking him out of that haunted hotel room.
I'm confused! He kept texting his crush and sending her videos of him pretending to play guitar non stop!
And all was she ever texted him was 'I love the new song' !! 😂😂😂
Ok I'm done,
Next SONG▶️:
"Bingo".
- The video begins with him FaceTiming RiceGum!
Okay byeeeee I'm throwing my laptop in a pool of sewage!
I just realized that the more you watch him the more he looks like an elf, with the chin and the ears and the hair 😷!
- Man, tell me who's this pretty young..
- The first verse starts and he looks like he's having a massive seizure.
The autotune makes my bowels go hula dancing.
- My, oh, my, now you just my type with them lips like Kylie..
*throws laptop inside an oven*
- He is still trying to dance with his head like an epileptic pigeon.
- Can I pick you up, meet your dad?
*Pours bbq sauce over laptop*
- Put my picture on your locker
*Turns the heater oven to 220*
- I just hit the lotto, she hit the follow B-I-N-G-O, bingo, bingo
*Laptop turns into steak*
...
I'm going to bleach both my eyeballs and my ears 💀!!
YOU ARE READING
My personal rant book :)
HumorI REGRET EVERYTHING!! A book filled with me bitching about anything and everything you could possibly imagine. WARNING: If you are a sensitive fangirl, tumblr 13 year old, or any pre tween crying over anything this book isn't for you.
