Hamilton Oneshots

Stupid Irrational Fear (Philodosia)

Theodosia looks up at her father as he spoke, "Want to get on the canoe with us?" He asked. She nervously nodded her head and got onto the canoe, sitting in the middle so she wouldn't throw the weight off.

Her father and his political friend, Alexander, had decided to go on this sort of small canoe ride. Theo would have stayed home but her mother had fallen ill so her father took her so her mother didn't have to worry and could rest.

Theo faced her father instead of his friend when she got into the canoe, she felt a tad nervous as the canoe moved onto the river but she bit it back to be the proper lady her mother wanted her to be. She had just turned seven but she knew how to act already, she was determined to be the perfect lady that her mother wanted her to be.

"Whoa!" Alexander's end hit against a rock making it tilt one way. Theo slid to the end and felt relieved that she didn't fall out but when her father tried to correct the tilt she screamed as she fell, her weight was too light to stay grounded, unlike the older men.

Water invaded her senses first and she flailed, her heavy dress dragging her down and she had no idea how to swim. She resurfaced once but the canoe whacked her in the head and she lost her strength, sinking into the water as her lungs burned as water filled them.

Theo screamed as she sat up, she couldn't help but cry as she remembered it. She's been scared of water and boats ever since and the memory still scared her, she passed out under the water until Alexander saved her and pumped the water from her body.

"Theo...?" She looked to her side as her husband woke up slowly. He regarded her for a moment, "Are you cryin'?" Philip asked but he didn't wait for an answer as he wrapped his arms around her, "What's wrong?"

She sniffled and hiccuped, "Bad dr-dream." It wasn't exactly a lie but Theo didn't want to worry him, she had met Philip that night too when Alexander and her father took her to his residence to get a doctor, Philip didn't even know her but he was still so very worried and kept her company so she wouldn't be scared.

"What was it about?" Philip asked as he rocked her back in forth, placing one hand on the small of her back to pull her closer and the other on the back of her head. He held her tight, he wanted her to feel secure in his arms. Theo shook her head instead of answering, "Theo, please...I wanna help but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong."

She knew he was right so she nodded slowly and took a deep breath to try and calm herself enough to explain, "It's stupid..." She cut Philip off when he tried to tell her it wasn't, "It was-was when I fell off of the stupid friggin-" She broke off as she cried some more, her fear was irrational but she couldn't stop herself as she felt the burn in her throat again, it was as if she was struggling to breathe under the waves again.

"Shhh, I know." Philip whispered and kissed her forehead, "It sucks, I know." He carefully lied down again with Theo, his arms still tight around her in protectiveness, "It isn't happening now, it isn't." He reiterated, "I've got you."

Theo snuggled into him as she regulated her breathing, "Sorry," She mumbled after a few minutes, "It's kind of stupid."

"Nuh uh," Philip said and nuzzled her neck where he knew his hair would tickle her, he smiled at her giggling, "Everybody's afraid of somethin'. It's natural. Especially since what happened, but, I'm just sayin', if I was there you wouldn't have fallen. Told m'dad to let me go with him cuz I wanted to meet your dad but he made me stay home. Sorry sod, shoulda been there for you."

Theo shook her head with a smile, "You're so silly." She said and put her hands on the sides of his face, "We were both seven, you couldn't do anything if you wanted to."

Philip rolled his eyes, "I could swim." He said, "I learned to swim when I was four so when you fell over I could've grabbed you and then you wouldn't have nightmares. I don't like it when you cry." He brushed the stray tears away from her face with his thumbs, "I love you too much for that."

Theo blushed and leaned into his hand that was against the bed, "I love you too." She said and closed her eyes lightly, "But what's done is done. I need to just get over it."

Philip shook his head slightly, "You don't have to get over anything, you're doing well-great actually. You calmed down faster than you have before." He smiled when he noticed she wasn't the least bit upset anymore and placed his lips on hers.

Theodosia molded his lips against his and let him pull her closer as they kissed. She tilted her head and smiled wider, only Philip could turn a night of crying into this. When he moved to pull on her pajama bottoms she shook her head, "No." She said quietly and kissed his cheek.

Instantly Philip moved his hand away from her bottoms, "Sorry." He chuckled, "You're just so hot I wanted it." He told her and pecked her lips, "But I guess it isn't exactly the right moment right now...considering..."

"Yeah," Theo felt a bit awkward after refusing him but she was glad he respected her enough to listen to her no, "But it's whatever." She hugged him, "But thank you for...this stupid irrational fear-helping me with it."

Philip nodded, "I'd be a pretty shitty husband if I didn't comfort my wife when she wakes up cryin' wouldn't I?" He held her face in his hands and kissed all over it to make her giggle again, "As your husband, I will never think your fears are stupid or irrational. Every fear is relevant and a pressing matter, I promise."

Theo smiled softly, "Thank you..." She glanced at the window, "It's still dark outside so we should try and grab some more sleep, yeah?"

Philip nodded, "If you have another bad dream just wake me up, it's really not a bother. I'd feel like a dick if you cried and I didn't help you so please...don't not wake me up." He tried to appease all of her anxieties at once as he begged her to let him help.

Theo nodded, "Okay." She yawned and cuddled against him, closing her eyes and listening to Philip's breathing as she drifted off. How she married Philip, she'll never know, but she had never been happier.