Beyond Repair

7. Moment

|Jace POV|

I look at her, the wheels in my head turning at the speed of light as I try to think of an answer. She rolls her eyes at me again, and waits impatiently for my response.

"Answer me, Jace. Why did you cheat?" Clary says.

"Because..." Think, Herondale! I don't know what to say, because I honestly don't know why I did it. It wasn't that I didn't love Clary anymore, or that she wasn't good enough. God, I hate that phrase. Good enough. I mean, I am amazing and absolutely gorgeous, but 'good enough' signifies that I really am greater and better than everyone else, and while I do say I am, I'm really not.

"Jace! An answer! I came out here to talk to you, and I promised myself that I wouldn't talk to you unless I had to. And technically, I don't have to talk to you right now," Clary says, clearly frustrated with herself for breaking the promise.

"Right," I say. "I... I did it because I was confused."

"You were confused, were you?" Clary scoffs.

"Yes. I was, Clary. You were constantly leaving the Institute, hanging out with boys I didn't know. I thought... I thought maybe you were cheating on me."

"Oh. Yeah, that makes complete sense. Clary's cheating on me, I better go cheat on her. It's only fair! Is that what you were thinking. Anyway, Jace. Me, cheating on someone? Think about that for a second. I would never cheat on anyone! And Jace, let's be honest here. Four years ago, I was wayyyyyy too much of a wimp to do that," Clary says.

I shake my head at her words, and scoff just like her. "You're totally underestimating yourself."

"Oh, so you're saying that I was capable of cheating on someone?"

"No! No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying that you calling yourself a wimp is a false statement." Clary glares at me, and I quickly add, "In my opinion."

"Yeah, well you saying that doesn't make me feel any less confused, Jace."

"Confused? About what?" I ask.

Clary shakes her head, looking at me. "You. Me. Us. This. Whatever it is. I don't know what to believe, or what is real. Sometimes I hate you, and want to hurt you in any way possible, but sometimes... sometimes I just want kiss you so badly it hurts."

I feel my cheeks warm a little, despite the cold temperature. I watch Clary as her head drops, and she pretends to be extremely fascinated with a rock on the ground. I pull myself together, hoping to acquire a little more confidence. "Clary. If you wanted to kiss me so badly you should've just asked."

Clary lifts her head up. When I can see her face completely under the lights that line the street, I see a strange look on her face. She takes a slow step toward me, and then another. Another. Then she reaches me, stopping so that she is close enough so that I can count the freckles that dot underneath her eyes and on each side of her nose.

"Clary-"

"Don't talk. It'll ruin the moment."

I laugh quietly, and then slowly lift up a hand to push back the hair that blows in her face with the wind. I hear Clary breathe in sharply at my touch, and smile. I lean down slowly, leaving my eyes open until I'm too close to even comprehend that I'm still looking at her. At that point, I stop, but don't pull away.

"I just want you to know that I am always available for a kiss from you. No matter the circumstances," I whisper, then kiss her.

|Clary POV|

The second his lips touch mine, I instantly feel like I'm sixteen again. That touch. That touch was my drug. My life support. My way of survival. That makes me feel like maybe I never stopped needing him. Maybe that's what has been missing. The puzzle piece that made me complete. Jace. The very last piece of the Clary puzzle.

I slip my hand up to cup his neck, and feel his hand move from my hip. I feel movement that resembles an attempt to touch my back, but he hesitates. I pull away a bit, and grab his hand. "This hand is not allowed anywhere on my body that it was allowed in public previously. Do you remember the boundaries, or do I need to remind you?"

Jace shakes his head no, and then leans down to kiss me again, placing his hand on my back, more confident this time.

We stand there on the side of a busy street in Manhattan, and I realize how much I love him.

Jace pulls away, and kisses my right shoulder. "Clary." He kisses my right shoulder. "I." He kisses my neck. "Will." He kisses my left cheek. "Always." He kisses my right cheek. "Love." He kisses my nose. "You." When he finally kisses my lips, I breathe, out, and smile against his lips.

I lean back, and whisper my reply. "Jace. Me too."