Wattpad Trolls Unmasked

Satan's Waitin'

I know we have already been here, but I can't help myself and have to delve into the topic of the hot list, yet again. When all hope is lost, why not find a shortcut to the Hot List Highway of Hell. 

We have all "thought" about selling our souls to Satan in the past by using some of these tactics to advance to the pinnacle by escalator instead of making the hard climb to the top like many of the true Wattpad greats. Thinking about and doing are two different things, though.

Do you consider yourself as a cheat, scammer, shark, swindler, trickster or con artist? 

Well, if you aren't positive, allow me to ask another question. Have you ever genre jumped?

 Ah, the hands should be flying up higher than Kim Kardashian's twerking ass cheeks at the local disco (I remind you that I am old, but this ancient ass can cut a rug).

I have seen it not once but hundreds of times. Halfway through a book, I suddenly realize that the genre has changed and those gray numbers have magically appeared. What? I thought I was reading a romance and then voila, I'm suddenly reading a mystery masterpiece. And it is so much better now! 

Apparently, all of that hard work has paid off. Well, I'll be damned, you sucked at romance but excel at mystery! I am so glad you found your niche. Come on, people! All romance novels have a little mystery, action, or fantasy; if the primary topic is a budding relationship, then romance is your genre. I am on to your crapola, and you are not fooling anyone.

Now, must I add the smooth operators that write smut and fail to hit that mature icon which takes them off the hot list ranking? I personally love sinking into a sweet, innocent love story that ends with some "mechanic" checking some "Volkswagen's" oil level with his dipstick. If you have a sex scene in your novel, you should rate it mature. How do you know that some twelve-year-old that only wants to read about the sweet innocence of hand-holding isn't reading your sexploitation?

Is the hot list that important to you? If so, maybe you should stop writing pornography and delve into nonfiction (this category is pretty easy to rank high in). You can still write porn if you like. Hell, all you have to do is write a true story of your past sex life and how it almost destroyed you, and the Wattpad God's look the other way. You see, if getting drilled by the entire football team in a past-life is a true story then it may help some wannabe whore before she takes a step down the dark path of multiple sex partners. These authors deserve a ranking more than a writer that carefully depicts a beautifully written sex scene. If you believe that bullshit, I may have to slap a bitch (I have seen some awful nonfiction books that rank in the top ten).

Swearing like a trucker is another rank-yanker. You may be reported by a reader or two if your dialogue is a little "colorful," might I add. There is always the few that get away with it because no grown adult, with a brain, would dare venture into a book with an animated green monster on the front (wink, wink). Not that we have ever been reported, and if we have, I know who you are, Bitch.

We, 3Twistedsisters, have followed the rules and ranked our book mature. If we hadn't, we would be blowing a few out of the water with our absolute perfection (pat, pat on the back).

So, to all of you cheater, cheater wanker beaters out there, we hope you love your "fake" ranking and wish you bon voyage on your cruise to Hell. Personally, #3Twistersisters will be taking the easy route in a handbasket. See you there.