Diana: 4 months in the UK

(6)

Songs of the chapter: Some Nights by FUN

Michael hits the ground with a thud. Luke and Niall move to Michael who is clutching his jaw and wincing in pain. I drag Calum away from the situation before it becomes any worse. He resists at first but soon gives in. I glance back to see Luke and Niall dragging Michael away who glares back at Calum. 

I push Calum into the hallway and close the door. "What the fuck was that about, Calum?" I screech. He ignores my plea and walks off down the hallway, away from me. I catch up to him before asking the same question which he rejects yet again. 

"Calum. Answer me!" I yell. My voice is croaky and hurts like hell but I take no notice. 

"You weren't even supposed to be there so just drop the fucking questions, Diana." He uses my legal name which I hate and he knows that it pisses me off to the max. 

"Diana?!" I question him, my voice at breaking point. "You know how much I fucking hate it when someone calls me that. Calum, I'm just trying to look out for you." I touch his shoulder lightly but he flinches away. 

"What the actual fuck has gotten into you? You've been acting like a hormonal bitch since we've arrived and it all started when we met Michael. Why don't you just let it go and move on." I am still yelling. My mind is confused and frustrated with this situation but I am determined to get the inside scoop. 

He pushes me against the wall harshly. Calum has never been this aggressive or violent which scares the fuck out of me. His breathing is quick and his pupils are dilated. I am really hoping he doesn't hit me. He leans in closer, his lips only inches away from mine. I can see the anger radiate off his body and feel the heat between our bodies. 

"You don't know the full story." His words are vicious and snide. I can feel my breathing quicken and my hands start to sweat. Oh no, not again. 

"Calum, you're really scaring me right now." My voice is shaky. I can feel my heart beat a million miles an hour and it wasn't the good kind either. 

"Good, don't fuck with me ever again." And with that, he turns towards our room and slams the door. I slide down the wall, clutching my throat and struggling to breathe. It's only the start of my panic attack. A feeling I have to come to know quite well in the past year. It's impossible for me to breathe and I feel like my chest is closing in on me. Just thinking about it makes me panic more. The tears have came out right on cue and are a never ending flow. 

Remember what your therapist told you. Slow breathing and calm thoughts I tell myself. I try to decrease the speed of my breathing and try to think back to the time where my family isn't as fucked up as it is now. I have to admit the thought calms me but my body is still shaking. I am frozen in place, not knowing what to do. I can't go to the room and face another dilemma with Calum but I can't stay here because the attack will start up again. 

I decide to go to guide myself to the kitchen. The hallway is filled with silence. I assume that Luke and Niall have taken Michael back to his room. I am glad they didn't witness my breakdown and I wasn't ready to answer any questions. I walk into the kitchen, craving a glass of water to cool me off. 

I have no idea where the glasses are so I go through all cupboards like a robber. I feel kind of awkward going through all the cupboards. What if someone finds me? I'd probably blush like a tomato and die right there. But right now, I just want a glass of water. I find the glasses cluttered in a shelf and I grab one and walk to the sink where I fill my glass with cool water. 

Once I finish the first glass, I refill my glass for a second. The events that occurred tonight are too much for me to handle. Calum punching Michael and Calum slamming me against the wall. Calum Thomas Hood. He fills my head with worry and concern. Why is he like this? The Calum I know wouldn't go around hurting a fly let alone another person. The Calum I know wouldn't react so violently towards me or anyone else. The tears start up again as I feel the pain in my chest ache. 

"Hey. Are you alright there." I look up with a tear stained face to see Niall. He was shirtless apart from his pyjama pants. As much as I wanted to stare at his chest, I couldn't be bothered right now. 

"Um yeah. Sorry, I was thirsty and couldn't sleep." I lie. I avoid eye contact because I can feel the tears well up inside my eyes yet again. 

"You sure? I heard some yelling in the hallway and it sounded like thunderstorms inside." He comes over closer to me, getting a closer view of my stressed state. 

"Diana, you can trust me." He comforts. 

"Don't call me Diana. I hate it. Call me Dee instead." I can't stand Diana right now. He nods and sits down next to me. 

"Calum and I got into a fight and then.." My voice trailed off. Should I tell this boy I only just met that I have panic attacks? I mean, I haven't even told Calum and he's my best friend. 

"And..." I start but soon stop myself. I am contemplating whether I should tell him. But then if I tell him about my panic attacks, it will be the key into the year of hell. The year when everything changed. The year that he came. 

"And" Niall asks. His voice is filled with concern. His kindness lightens my mood just a tad. I look into his ocean blue eyes that gaze into mine. 

"And I needed to cool down so I got a glass of water." I lie once again. I feel so bad because he seems really concerned about me and here I am, shutting out someone that cares about me once again before I can drag them into my hole of problems that's 6ft deep. 

"Is that what really happened?" Niall challenges. His accent is really showing through and the guilt hits me in the chest once again. 

"Yeah, it is." I say. I feel as if I am trying to convince myself than Niall. I stand up and walk over to the sink and place my cup in the sink. I turn to see Niall watching me, not like a stalker but like a concerned friend/by-stander. I make my way to the door but Niall blocks me. I glance up at him, waiting for him to move away but he doesn't. 

"Are you okay, Dee?" He uses my nickname for the first time. They way his accent pronounces my name sends shivers all over my body. 

"Yeah. It must be jet lag. I'll probably just sleep it off." I suggest. I move past him and into the hallway where I will have to sleep in the same room as Calum. I admit I will not be looking forward to it but I'll have to take it. 

"Do you, uh, want to watch a movie with me?" Niall asks. 

"A movie? It's like 12am." I reply. Even though it's quite early, I feel as if my eyes are too awake and unable to shut. 

"Yeah, I'm not tired and I feel like watching a movie. Want to tag along?" He asks again. 

I am silenced for a few seconds. I've never been alone with a boy other than Calum or Dustin so I don't know if it's going to be awkward. But then again if I were to decline the offer, I would be stuck in a room with an unpredictable Calum. 

"Yeah. I'll come along." I agree and walk with him to the lounge. He grabs a few blankets and gives me the biggest one. I smile at him and he signals me over to where the DVD's are stacked. 

"Choose one." I look at my choices. The movies vary from bad romances like The Vow or horrors like The Grudge. I spot The Last Song and tear my gaze away from it. I don't want to watch this right now because a) it reminds me of how Calum and I watched it on the plane and b) the drama is too much for me. I spot Stick It and hold it tight. 

"Stick It? You like these kind of movies." He asks me and puts the disk in the DVD player.

"Uh yeah. I did recreational gymnastics when I was 5 as well as Ballet." I tell him. I’m just giving him small pieces of my past before the big bombshell drops. But I'm not going to have a DMC with him tonight. I'm here to watch a movie and that's it. 

"Gymnastics and Ballet? Whoa, you must really flexible." I nod, confirming his theory. 

"That's cool. Does it hurt, you know, when you do the splits?" 

"Uh, not really." I answer in a quiet voice.

"Could you like show me?" He asks. 

"Uh sure." I reply. I move some things out of my way and create a larger space for me. I feel kind of uncomfortable and awkward about it but I will still do the splits. I haven't stretched so there is no doubt that I will be sore when I wake up next. I slide down until I am in left leg splits. Niall cringes but still stares. 

"Right now you try." I tell Niall. 

"What? No! But I'm a guy. Guys can't do the splits." He protests. 

"Not up for a challenge, Horan?" I challenge. He raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Fine, I'll do it. But this will stay between us, okay?" He accepts the challenge and walks over to where I am. He looks quite uncomfortable but has a glint of determination in his eyes. 

"So how do I do it?"

"You just use your feet to slide down as far as you can." He does as I say and struggles to go any further than halfway. I can't help but stifle a laugh because he is really trying to be in the splits. 

"OW. This hurts like hell. And I'm not even all the way down!" Niall exclaims, holding his lower torso as if he is in pain. 

"Help me up, will you?" he pleas. I pull him up and he winces in pain. Poor lad, but he did accept the challenge. 

"Sore?" I ask. He nods. 

"Come on, let’s watch the movie before you die right there." I tell him. He lets out a little chuckle and limps over to the couch and lands heavily on his butt. The movie starts and we talk no more. I check the time on my phone to see that it is 2am. My eyelids feel heavy and I find myself drifting to sleep before the good parts come on. I go from half asleep to wide awake for about 5 minutes until I give up and let sleep take over me. 


I hear faint voices that interrupt my sleep. "Did you sleep with her?" A voice says. Something tells that it's Calum. Unable to go back to a deep sleep, I am forced to listen. 

"Nah man. She was crying and we watched a movie. That's it, man." The accent gives the person's identity away immediately. It's Niall. 

"You better not have or you'll be sorry." The voice is very deep and cold. I squint my eyes to get a better view of the situation. I see that the movie is still playing and it's near the end. The whole room is dark apart from the LED light from the TV that is shining on two figures standing by the door. One of the figures comes closer to me and I shut my eyes in an instant. 

"Mate, she's sleeping right now." Niall tells him. I'm guessing it's Calum. 

"Well she can sleep in her own bed." He comes closer. I can feel his breath against my skin as he lifts me into his arms. I am not sure if he knows I am awake so I continue to stay in my "sleepy state" I peek my eyes once again to see that it is indeed Calum's arms I am in. His brow is furrowed and he has a frown on his face. He stops and I wonder if he knows that I'm not asleep. 

"Thank you for looking after her while I was being a dick." He acknowledges Niall's kindness. It makes my heart warm that he knows that he was a dick to me. 

"It's alright, mate. Just sort your shit out with Michael before it gets out of hand." Niall warns Calum. And with that Calum leaves and heads down the hallway with me. 

Once we reach our bedroom, Calum lays me down on my bed. It is much comfier than the couch but a little part of me is wishing I was still there, away from Calum. He tucks me in like my mother would when I was scared of the monsters that lurked in the dark. She would comfort me and stay with me until I fell asleep. 

I feel Calum's hand stroke my head carefully. It's both comforting and nerve-racking at the same time. His hand leads down to my cheek where his thumb runs across my fair skin. I would be lying if I said that my heart wasn't racing and I had butterflies. And with that, I hear him go over to his bed.

Unable to comprehend what just happened, I feel myself being dragged down into a deep sleep that I'm not able to escape.