Diana: 4 months in the UK

(28)

Song of the chapter: The Mess I Made by Parachute.

Calum and I remain standing in the middle of the room. I hold onto him, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist while he holds me in his loving arms. Niall left a few minutes ago to find the others and left without disturbing us and I was grateful because the guilt is eating me up. 

How could I do that to someone? How could I do that to Michael? He has been nothing but kind to me and here I go and throw myself at my best friend. The person he just so happens to have a bad relationship with. Way to go, Diana. You really outdid yourself on this one. And I liked it. 

I liked the way Calum's lips moved against mine, so perfectly in sync. I liked how I threw myself at him like in the movies, it felt so dramatic. I liked how he held my hips with such care and precision. I liked how he didn't protest or even question why I kissed him, he just went with it and sure made the most of it. 

I really don't know what I was thinking. I was so messed up from the nightmare that it played with my emotions completely. Does that class me as a slut or one of those horrible terms to express girls in society these days? Does it mean that I'm an unfaithful person? These questions swirl around in my head for what seems like years until Calum pulls away and faces me with the most serious face I've ever seen him wear. 

"You need to tell me what's wrong." He states. I glance at the floor. How am I going to get myself out of this one? How am I able to soften the blow? The pressure is so unbearable right now. 

"Lets sit down." I lead him to the couch. Here it goes. He sits down slowly, not knowing what to expect just like me. I let out a nervous breath before I begin to explain myself. 

"Well, I have this friend and she has a boyfriend." I begin. 

"Is it Krista?" He asks. His puppy dog eyes stare into mine. How do I lie to him? The one person I am supposed to trust with my whole life? How do I just lie to his face and not feel a slight pang of regret through my veins? 

"Uh, yeah." I squeak out. "But don't tell anyone." I quickly blurt out. I might have to tell Krista about this before Calum questions her about it. 

"Anyway, she has a boyfriend and she really likes him. She's infatuated by him and everything and-" 

"Does he go to the University with her? Or does he go to our school? How old is he? What's his name?" I am interrupted by a curious Calum once again. The questions roll of his tongue too easily. He's making this really hard. 

"I don't know." I reply, sounding frustrated. "Can I finish?" I ask. 

"Yeah, yeah. So she has a boyfriend and she really likes him." He repeats to me. Maybe he was listening after all. 

"Correct. But her boyfriend and her best friend really don't like each other. They have a really bad history together and don't want to fix it either. She feels so torn between them and doesn't know what to do. But do you want to know the worst part?" 

He nods. 

"Her best friend doesn't even know that they are dating." I mumble and a gasp comes out of Calum's mouth. His expression reads as shocked and unimpressed. 

"Are you serious? Girl, that's not cool. She needs to tell her best friend because it's gonna ruin their relationship." You have no idea, Cal. 

"Haha, yeah." I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. "Oh and there's more." 

"There is?" He raises his eyebrows. I nod sheepishly. "Well go on, this is so interesting." He says. How can he find this so entertaining and interesting? Because it's the complete opposite to how I'm feeling. 

"She um, kissed her best friend." 

"OH MY GOSH, this girl needs to get her priorities straight." I'm trying. "Like she can't just go out with the person her best friend doesn't like but then kiss her best friend behind her boyfriend's back. That's just not right at all." He looks so distraught with Krista and her "actions". It kind of makes me laugh until I remember that it is me I am referring to and not Krista in the real life context. 

"Lucky you aren't like that, right Dee." He turns to face me with a great smile upon his face. Oh crap. 

"Dee?" He nags on and I am forced to agree. Telling him the truth is just as worse as lying and I don't think I can cope with an angry Calum right now. 

"Good. Because I don't what I would do if you were to." He brings me in for one more hug. I pat his back in regret for what I had just done. 

"Always remember that I love you." He gazes at me and my heart flutters a bit, making me forget about my love issues and reminding why he is such a great friend. 

"Love you too, pal." I smile with small tears in my eyes. Oh god, why am I so emotional? "Hey, are you hungry?" The thought is totally random but I haven't eaten since yesterday. I don't know if I can make it any further. 

"Very." He admits just as my stomach grumbles. He chuckles again. I don't know why everyone thinks my stomach grumbles are funny. I mean, it's just a stomach grumble, nothing special or anything added to give it that extra flavour that would make you belly laugh. Some things I will never get. 

"Lets go find Niall." I suggest. 

"He's probably eaten it all." I shrug my shoulders. 

"It's worth a try." He nods in agreement and walks off with me to hunt down this irishman. 

We talk endlessly about Friends and how he relates to Ross so much. He says that I must be Rachel since I can be such a diva sometimes but then changes his decision to Phoebe as I can be such a ditz but then to Monica as my overly organized side can kick in. So really I am a mixture of all three but Calum is definitely Ross. 

"I am not Ross." Calum protests. 

"You so are! 

"No!" 

Yes! Have you seen how many soccer balls you own or the amount of jersey's you collect? And how many hours a day do you play Fifa?" The list can go on and on with Calum's obsession of soccer. "Ross is a nerd in Dinosaurs and stuff while you're a soccer nerd." I state and he pokes his tongue out at me. 

"What are you two love birds arguing about?" Ashton's voice catches us off guard and we both yell in fright. Shaye and Ashton give us a weird look as Calum and I get our breath to a normal pace.

"Talk about sneaking up on us. What are you, stalking us?" 

"Yeah, like why are you so obsessed with me." Calum references Mean Girls and I can't help but laugh. 

"We were actually coming back from visiting Jak." I had almost forgotten that they were oblivious to the drama in the past hour. Lucky them. 

"Oh, how is he?" I ask. Shaye tells us that he is stable and is slowly getting back to his normal self. We wave them goodbye as we part ways in the hospital hallway. 

Calum and I walk around for another 5 minutes before finding Niall with Luke and Bryar in Jak's room. He looks so awkward as he sits on the other side of the room. Oh the perks of being a third wheel. Calum and I walk in and Niall's face lights up like a child given chocolate. 

"Hey guys." I earn a smile from Luke and Niall but not Bryar. What is her problem? What have I ever done to her? I mean with Shaye, it was totally understandable but I know for a fact that I have not met or crossed paths with her in my life until now. I brush off her rudeness and walk over to Jak's bedside. 

Cords and tubes are surrounded and inserted into his body, like he is some science project. "Hey Jak. How are you feeling?" 

"Good thanks. Better than before anyway. Thanks for getting some help when things got worse." He gives me a small smile before bursting into a coughing fit. 

"No worries." I return to Niall and Calum who are contemplating who can have what in the food bag. I pull out my phone and take a picture of the two of them. Niall holds up a sandwich and Calum gives him an "are you serious" face which is priceless. I'm not going to delete this one. I laugh to myself and soon realize that they have picked up on what I did. 

"Aw Dee. You know I don't like photos." Calum whines at me. 

"Whatever Cal. I know you like to pose in the mirror." He blushes and doesn't give me a comeback. I sit down and listen to them bicker over who should get what.

"I want the chicken bun." Calum tells him. 

"But I want it."

"I want it." 

"No, I want it." 

The bickering goes back and forth until a loud, booming voice echoes through the room. 

"I'll have the chicken bun if it'll stop you two girls arguing." The voice belongs to Luke. Heck, I didn't know he could be so sassy. 

"Lets just go downstairs and figure this out. I'm sure Jak would like some peace and quiet." Calum suggests.

"Ain't that the truth." I hear Jak say. 

"Wait, we'll come with you." Luke yells before Calum and Niall are out the door. We all say our goodbyes to Jak and exit the room. We make our way to the elevators, chatting away. I feel for my phone in my pocket but it isn't there. Before the elevator doors close on us, I rush out of the tight space. 

"What are you doing, Dee?" Niall asks. He stops them from closing once more. 

"I left my phone in the room. I'll meet you guys down there." I explain to them. He nods. "Oh and save me a chicken bun." I wink to Calum and he just laughs to himself. He mouths "whatever" to me before I am shut out from them. 

I walk back to Jak's room, picking up the pace to a speed walk. I open the door to his room and find him reading. 

"Hey, I thought you guys were going downstairs to eat." 

"Yeah, I forgot my phone." I look to the chair I sat at and sure enough, there it is. 

"Of course." He laughs. I start to walk out but I feel bad for leaving him alone so I sit down on the chair next to him. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Sitting, why?" Is it not obvious enough?

"Aren't you going to go hang out with the others?" He says it like it's an obvious thing I would do. 

"No, I can't be bothered to be honest." My hunger pains have gone away for now and I am glad for it. 

"What book are you reading?" 

"If I Stay. You probably won't know it." He shrugs. 

"Actually I do. I've read it before. It's a really good book." He is clearly shocked. I may not come across as a bookworm but I am one at heart. 

"I know. I'm just re-reading." We discuss the characters and the plot. It feels good to have something in common with a guy that isn't Calum. I mean, Niall and I talk but it's no to the point where we can have debates and arguments about it. It starts to get so intense that when the nurse comes in to check on Jak she gives us an unimpressed look. I don't even care. She does her thing and exits the room just as quietly as she entered. 

"How are you finding having all of these things wired to you?" I joke. 

"Horrible. I feel like a caged animal." 

"It's painful to watch." I tell him. 

"Why were you vomiting?" I blurt out. The words fall out of my mouth too fast for me to erase them. "I'm really sorry." 

"No, no it's fine." He reassures me but I feel a bit guilty. "Um, I ate too much at the park." His voice is pitchy and I can tell he is lying. 

"You barely ate a thing." I remind him. 

"No, I ate plenty thank you very much." 

"Uh huh." I say, not entirely convinced. 

"Are you insecure?" I ask and he laughs. I don't know why because it was a serious question. "I was being serious." His laughter stops in an instant, proving my theory. 

"Yeah, I am." His voice is quiet. 

"I know how you feel." 

"You do?" His head shoots up and his eyes meet mine. 

"Yeah." I nod. "Some stuff happened last year and I got a lot of hate from it. I was called a slut, whore. I was constantly judged and never felt safe. Even in my own home." I explain to him. It feels sort of comforting to relate my experiences to someone else's. 

"You don't even know the half of it." He tells me. He starts to explain about how he has been bullied his whole life about his size and how nasty some of the comments are. I listen attentively to his life story. He continues about how his sister ran away from home and how his mother was always dependent on him to do everything. The emotion in his voice really captivates and interests me. As he finishes, he is out of breath. 

"Oh wow. At least you have some really good friends here, like Bryar and Shaye. Plus you'll have the rest of the guys like Calum, Luke, Ashton, Niall, Michael and I." He flinches at Michael's name which concerns me just a little. I feel the tension build in the air and it's quite uncomfortable.

"What did I say?" 

"Uh, nothing." He replies too quickly. 

"Is it because I said Michael? Do you and Michael not get along or something?" I seriously hope not because that would mean another person on Michael's bad side. 

"Yeah." He looks to his sheets and starts to fidget. 

"Why?" I can't help but force this upon him. Why does Michael seem to always have problems with people? Why can't he just get along with everyone? Jak doesn't reply as quickly as before. I realize that it is a sensitive subject and decide to pull back a little. 

"You can trust me, Jak." He mumbles something at a fast pace but I can't pick it up. "What? I didn't hear you." 

He sighs. "I said, Michael has been bullying me." 

hi/hey
yay for an update. this took me all night :) 
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see you in chapter 29... 
-A