I just wish

Zach

I heard sobbing coming from upstairs. Gwen was on the floor crying and Grayson was sitting next to her holding her hand taking into the phone.
"835 Birchwood Ave... thanks."
Ezra started crying in his crib across the room.
I went over to him while Grayson tried to call Gwen down.
"She's gonna be okay. They're heading over right now." He looked into her eye last reassuringly.  She stopped hyperventilating and wiped her eyes. Grayson hugged her and they realized that I was in the room.
I rocked Ezra slightly so he would stop crying, but we heard sirens which didn't help.
I handed him off to Grayson and he started explaining what happened.
Gwen went into the bathroom to wash her face. 
"Jess sent Gwen a suicide text." All if the color drained from my face.
"What?" I couldn't comprehend. "Jessica tried to kill herself?"
"We don't know that. It was just a text. The police are going over now to see if she's okay."
Nervous energy coursed through me.
I didn't share feelings for Jess but that didn't mean I didn't care about her.
Gwen emerged from her bathroom.
"I'm gonna head over there, stay with Ezra." She walked out the door, but Grayson grabbed her arm in protest.
"No, I'm coming," he handed Ezra to me suddenly and I was alone again.
I looked at my nephew. His sparkly blue eyes were filled with tears, but he was silent.
The four month old was being strangely quiet.  I took him downstairs and put him the the pack n play.  He stood up and was clinging to the edge. 
I went into the kitchen, still keeping an eye on the baby, and grabbed my phone. 
I texted gray and asked what was happening.  My stomach was rolling and I didn't know what to think.  I kept biting my nails and pacing. 
About an hour later, I got a text. 
Jess had attempted suicide and was in a coma.  They didn't know if she was going to live or if her chances of survival were even big. 
My heart skipped a beat.  That was bad. 
I felt my face get hot and I was angry. 
How could I have not seen this coming.  She was going to a therapist and getting better. 
The realization hit me. 
Rejection.  I remembered last year when I told Jessica that I didn't love her and that I was pissed that she couldn't take a hint. 
I racked my brain for other reasons why she would do this. Trying to know that I wasn't why she wanted to take her own life. 
The only other thing I could think of was the teasing at school.
I stood up for her once or twice, but I always just assumed that it stopped.  I prayed that she'd be okay. 
Grayson pulled in about three hours after they left. 
It was getting dark so they put Ezra to bed as soon as they got home.
I held my head in my hands.  My elbows were in my knees and I was sitting on the couch. 
I was stupid. 
How could I not see it coming? That question just kept running  through my brain.  The only other thing that I could think of was if she was going to be okay. 
I started to realize how much I'd miss her. 
She was the happy one in our group.  She was the one who always came up with a solution and could make anybody smile. 
A tear rolled down my face.  I knew deep down that I shouldn't have rejected her last year.  I knew that I loved her.