I just wish

Gwen

I heard the monotonous beep and knew that it was over. I yelled for a nurse and started sobbing. I watched them try to revive her, but fail endlessly.
Then they named the time of death.
"3:27 pm, November 9th, 2015."  Grayson came in and held me tighter than ever have been before.
My tears dampened his shirt and made my head hurt with the force of how hard I was crying. 
Jess' mom came in, crying just as hard as me.  She stood by her daughters lifeless body and whispered something in her ear.  I took one last look at my best friend before I was pushed out of the hospital room. 
I tried to fight it, but Grayson held me back.  I didn't want to leave the room. 
Hell, I didn't want Jess to be dead.  I wanted none of this to happen.
The realization hit me like a train. I would never see her again. I'd never talk to her again. I'd never text or call or hang out with ever again.
The worst part was that she said I was the reason she died.
I shook so hard that I felt nauseous. I ran into the bathroom. I puked until there was no more to puke up and then I kept crying.
Grayson was banging on the door.
"Go away." I yelled. I hiccuped and wiped my runny nose. "Go home to Ezra. I need to stay."
Grayson ignored me and barged into the bathroom.
He sat in the ground with me and hugged me so I couldn't breathe.
"We will never forget her. She is always gonna be with us." I didn't even care that gray said a corny line about dead people.
I just felt the empty hole in my chest and the lump in my stomach.
He picked me up bridal style and carried me out of the bathroom.
I was still sobbing and people stared.
He carried me to the car and all the way home.
He carried me to my door and up the stairs and into my room and onto my bed.
We laid there for a while just crying.
A knock came at the door and my moms head poked in.
She took the cue and waved goodbye to Gray.
She sat next to me and rubbed my back.
"I'm not going to say anything to you about her because there is nothing I can say that will make it hurt less, but if u need to talk I'm here honey." I grabbed her hand and held it for the rest of the night.