I just wish

Gwen

A pounding formed in my head and more pangs of pain spread through my stomach. I couldn't open my eyes. I reached my hands towards my face.
"Gwen, stop you're okay." I would recognize that voice anywhere. "Zach," I wrenched my eyes open, the bright lights stinging them. My brother stood beside me. He was unshaven, un groomed and he smelled like he hadn't showered in days.
"Let me go get mom."
I grabbed his wrist. "Wait," I couldn't comprehend it all, "how long have I been here?"
"Two weeks, you've been doped up so you couldn't feel the pain, but... Never mind, they can tell you."
I couldn't feel inclined to pressure him into telling me due to how exhausted I was. My family filed in and we hugged and kissed and told each other how much they were missed.
A doctor came in and déjà vu hit.
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Gwendolyn, you are pregnant." I thought that would be the end of my life. Turns out, It was just the beginning.

3 months later.
New Years was right around the corner. I was having a party and I felt crazy because it was almost exactly the same when I got home the first time.
The party was going to be small, family friends, the usual. "Gwendolyn, how many people are coming?" My mother shouted from the next room over.
I mentally counted. Grandma and Grandpa Kelly, Aunt Colleen and Fiona, Uncle Shawn, Aunt Amy and Paul, Conner, Declan, Kiera, Gray, Jess, Caleb, Grandpa Mitchell, and my cousin Hanna, so 15. "Fifteen," I said, slightly less loud that my mom did.
I finished getting the china from the cabinet. I left it on the table where I was instructed to and went upstairs to shower.
In the bathroom, I stripped and turned on the water. I was starting to get a small bump and the dress I had bought a week before would accentuate that. I huffed. I didn't like to show off the fact that I was raped and now had to live with the man's child for the rest of my life.
My very catholic parents said that abortion was off that table as was putting the child up for adoption even though neither of those options ever crossed my mind.
They agreed that they would take the child in if the workload and being a mother was too much of me to handle as a seventeen year old.
I stepped into the shower and the steam filled the room. I started to get hungry as I washed my body and shaved my legs.
I got out and slipped on my robe. I started working product into my hair. I looked in the mirror and saw a girl I knew had been through a lot and was not the same six months ago.
I heard a knock on my bedroom door and said, "Come in," I knew that Jess was coming over early to get ready with me. She opened the door and peeked in. "Hey," I smiled back at her. She sat on my toilet across the room and started to get out her makeup bag and hair tools. "How are you doing?"
"Fine I guess," I got my hair dryer and started to diffuse my curls effortlessly as I'd done it hundreds of times.
"Do you mind?" she asked as she took out a box of California rolls. I shook my head and tried to ignore the gross smell. I had never liked sushi and being pregnant, I had hated the smell even more.
Jess kept talking and I just started gagging. I motioned for her to get off the toilet. She opened it and I let it all out. I flushed it instantly, not wanting to stare at my chunks.
"Was that the sushi?" I nodded. "Sorry, I won't eat it." I wiped my face and continued to do my hair. Jess began doing her makeup. I watched the primer, foundation and concealer go on before I realized that I should be doing mine.
"Can I ask you something?" I heard from across the room. "Sure..." I said slowly. "What's it like to be pregnant?"
"God, where do I start? Um, sometimes I get really sick and puke a lot. My boobs hurt and I get tired really easily."
"Sounds like a really bad period." I laughed out loud. "Do you think that you'll be able to handle it?" I stopped. That wasn't really something that I had thought about a lot.
"Honestly, I know that I'm having to catch up on a lot of work and since I'm in AP classes it'll be tough, but I'm gonna be able to move on to be a senior when you do.
"Then, when I actually have the baby, It'll be summer and I can recover then and my parents are going to help a lot but I haven't really thought about it much."
My makeup was almost done and when I checked my phone, it was fifteen minutes before people were supposed to arrive. I threw on the dress over my swollen belly and took another quick glance at the mirror.
The dress had lace three quarter length sleeves and a thin belt that rested over my stomach. It was a deep red and brought out some undertones in my hair.
"You look great," said Jess, still not ready. "Hurry up," I told her, making the "chopchop" gesture. She rolled her eyes and slipped on the black cocktail dress.
As soon as I opened the door, Grayson stood up from my bed, where he was sitting previously. "Go on down stairs, I'll catch up, " I said to Jess. Grayson looked very put together for a new years party. He had on a suit and looked very nervous.
"I need to get things off my mind," he clenched his jaw. It was still crooked. I sat on the bed next to him. I traced my finger along it. "I'm here, what do you need?"
He cleared his throat and looked my in the eyes, his pretty green eyes. "Do you still love me?" He asked, very straight forwardly. I was upset that he was having doubts. "Yes, of course Gray, why?"
"You just don't seem to be interested anymore." I widened my eyes in shock. "Interested, Grayson, I'm very much interested. You are my amazingly smart and athletic and hot and caring boyfriend and I will never stop being interested.
"I love you to the moon and back. I just have a lot on my plate right now. It's really hard to balance school and being pregnant and a job and everything else. Understand that I will love you no matter what."
He smiled that cute little half smile and kissed me lightly. "I love you too," he mumbled. "You still want to be that father in the baby's life right?" I asked, out of the blue.
He reeled back. "Why wouldn't I?" I shrugged. "I thought that maybe you asked because you weren't ready to be a dad. And its okay if you aren't."
Grayson shook his head. "I am so excited. I am going to be the best father ever." He put his hand over my stomach and kissed me. A knock came from my door. "Come on down guys." It was my brother. He probably thought we were being naughty.
We kissed one more time and held hands as we walked down the stairs

5½ months later
I snuggled against him, concentrating on the movie. My back was starting to hurt, but I ignored it. Gray rested his arm around my shoulders. He smelled like mint and coffee. I felt a small trickle of water between my legs.
"Gray, I have to pee." I got up because I didn't want to ruin his couch with my pee.
I waddled over to the basement bathroom. I yelled to Grayson. "Gray, we have a problem!" My water had broken. He rushed in. I had pulled up my pants, but was staring at my bump.
"My water broke."
"What does that mean?" He was genuinely confused. "I'm going to give-" I was cut off by a stab of pain in my lower abdomen. The first contraction. Gray put his hand on my back as I hunched over.
"Are you okay?" I nodded as the pain died down.
"We need to go to the hospital. Like right now!"
He helped me up the stairs as fast as possible, and almost tripped out the door trying to get to the car. I felt like everything was going in slow motion. He started the car and sped away. We got onto the highway and I felt another contraction coming on.
"Ahhhhwww!" I screamed. Gray looked at me very concerned.
"Eyes on the road!" I yelled some more. It felt like the muscles inside were slowly twisting harder and harder until it became unbearable. I had a searing pain in my back and under my stomach I could feel tightness and a pulling sensation.
That continued all the way to the hospital, about every two minutes. When we got there, I was pushed into a wheelchair and raced into a delivery room with Gray in the dust.