Alexithymia

For The First Time

The first time I really saw you 

Cladded in black, dimly lit, one hand on ropes while the other rested on your cocked hip

Not the ever so quiet person who sat diagonally to the left in front of me during stats

Who did the numbers so easily in his head that I struggled to understand daily I really saw you

Somewhat mysterious as my mind fabricated stories of what you were like 

Wondering if the off chance of us actually talking could happen I couldn't see the tiniest of sparks already flying between us 

But soon the distance of us being acquaintances closed 

Our conversations flourished like buds of flowers opening for the first time 

My ice cold heart, afraid of being hurt again afraid of being used and walked over like the many times before It opened just the tiniest bit

Like my favorite flower, you were the ray of sunshine You reached through the cracks and slowly started to warm my icy heart

How did I never notice you

With eyes like the sea on my favorite beach 

Your smile like a cozy blanket on a frigid night 

The dimples the creep onto your cheeks make me want to smile even wider 

Your calm spirit helps my dark ominous doubts melt away

 Your heart is so big

Your kindness seeps out of you the same way the sun warms a glass window

 You never know how warm it is, until you get close enough 

You are extremely intuitive and considerate

 Always putting others above yourself 

I didn't know how happy I could be until I met you 

I didn't know that while I stargazed alone, how much better it is with someone next to you

 Your heartbeat is my favorite to listen to

Sunsets, late night popcorn runs, mix tapes with the windows down, country roads 

Everything is better with you 

You turned my black and white world into fluorescent colors 

You filled me with a new sense of happiness 

I never want to let go because what we have can beat even the worse of times

 You still don't know how dark I can get, insecurities seeping in, like lungs struggling to breath 

But I have no doubt that we are meant to be in all sense of the phrase 

Because you are you

 No amount of writing or figurative language can paint the picture of how much you mean to me 

But you'll see someday