Life is Hell

Chapter Nineteen - Nightmare in White

When I woke up, everything around me was white. My bed sheets were white, my pillow was white, whatever I was wearing was white. "Wha- what happened?" I asked, trying to sit up although I was pretty weak. "You tried to commit suicide" Mom said cold "You're in luck they believed me when I told them that you slipped" She added and I groaned. She still didn't get it! "Got you pretty bad" I heard a voice that was pretty familiar to me. It was Chloe, I didn't think she would actually care about me like that. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Mom texted me" She replied. "Can I talk to Chloe alone?" I asked. "Sure" Mom replied and left the room together with Sargent Dickhead. Chloe sat down next to my bed and sighed.

"I'm sorry!" We said at the same time. "No, I should be sorry. You risked a lot for me that day and I just took it for granted and kicked it" She apologized. "And I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I'm sorry" I told her "And I'm sorry for attempting suicide again. I was upset and then there was that razor and-" I said until my voice gave up on me. "Hey, don't talk. Okay?" She said and made a short break "Rachel is here and she brought Nathan with her" She changed the topic. "Oh god, he's going to be so disappointed in me. I don't even know how to look at him" I said, looking down. "You can't avoid him forever. He needs to know what happened" Chloe said and I knew she was right. "I'm going to get them" She said and got up.

She went to the door and opened it "Rachel, Nathan. Come in" She said and just a short time later the beautiful blonde and the handsome boy were standing in my room. Nathan immediately went over to me and hugged me, giving me some comfort. "How long are you going to stay here?" He asked. "Two days" I replied. "I didn't know someone was able to get out this early when they did what you did" He said and looked at my sister and her presumed girlfriend. "Not when somebody covers it up" Rachel said and sat down. "Cover it up? Who would do that?" He asked and looked from Rachel to Chloe and then to me. "My mother. She doesn't believe that I'm sick" I told him. "Bullshit! Has she even seen your arms?" He asked and I shook my head no.

"What about your arms?" Chloe asked and stepped closer to me. "No!" I said and tried to cover them with the blanket, but my sister was stronger. She went speechless as she looked at my scars and cuts covered arms. "How the fuck did she cover that up?" She asked, letting go of my arms. "I have absolutely no idea, but I wish she didn't!" "I wish she didn't either! I want this to end" I said, Nathan putting his arm around me to show me that I wasn't alone. "The next time you feel like doing something like this, you're going to call me and talk to me! You helped me and I'm going to help you!!" Nathan said and I nod. I needed him now. "I'm coming back home Clare" Chloe suddenly said "I'm not leaving you alone with Dickhead Madsen and Blind Mom" She said and I gave her a small smile, grabbing her hand. "If your mom won't do anything, then we will" Rachel said and walked closer to my bed. "You would really do that for me?" I asked them and they all agreed. "And first thing as a normal girl is making my birthday anything but normal" Rachel said. "Your birthday?" I asked confused. "July 22. It's coming up soon" She said "And you are all invited"

"Where are you celebrating?" I asked. "Probably the junkyard" She said "After a huge dinner with my family and my supposing parents' friends" "Sounds fun" Chloe said ironic. "You are all invited" She added. "Sound like even more fun" Chloe said. "Just don't say anything you would usually say" I said, knowing Rachel had said it before. "Fine" Chloe said "But I won't dress up!" She said although all of us knew that Rachel Amber had the power to make Chloe do whatever she wanted, but Chloe in a dress, no way that was going to happen.

A few days later I was home again, lying in my bed, Nathan by my side. Mom allowed Nathan to come and join me, to give me some company, since she forbid me to leave the house. She called in sick for me a while ago and since I had just been released from the hospital, Principal Wells said nothing against it.

I turned to face my boyfriend "Get me out of here" I begged. "What?" He asked. "Get me out off this house! I'm going insane! You told me to tell you and it's starting!" I said, the panic attack growing inside of me. "Clare!" Nathan said, but he couldn't calm me down. I bet he then did the first thing that came to his mind, he kissed me. He made me hold my breath, causing me to calm down a little. He pulled away and looked at me "Deep breaths" He said and I did as told. He gave me signs when to breath in and when to breath out until I was calm again. "Thank you" I said and hugged him "But I need to get out of here, otherwise the next one isn't far" I said and climbed out of bed, putting on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, before slipping on my shoes. "Let's go!" I said and Nathan followed me outside. We actually managed to sneak out and walked a little hand in hand.

"Why does my mother not care?" I asked Nathan, lying my head onto his shoulder. "She does care, I'm sure of it. She is probably just scared and doesn't know what to do" He said. "I can tell you! She should stop lying about my health and accept that I'm sick! I didn't try killing myself multiple times because I'm healthy and perfectly fine!" I told him. "You need to open your mom's eyes. Otherwise you will be stuck in this state until you're eighteen and I don't think you want that" He said. "Of course I don't want that, but what can I do? I'm just fifteen years old!" I whined, but I'm sure he didn't have an answer either. I mean he was even younger than I am.