The Catalyst (GirlXGirl)

Chp. 66 "Forgive Me"

Chp. 66 “Forgive Me”

After the talk with Max the rest of the day had passed slowly, and I hadn’t seen Avery once, which led me to believe she had been avoiding me. I wanted to see her, but I just wasn’t sure if it would be too early, or if she even wanted to see me in the first place.

I didn’t blame her if she didn’t.

I was sitting in my room, contemplating everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours and how it had gone from great to horrible within hours. I had no idea what to do, and I felt completely lost knowing I had fucked up and Avery was going to decide whether she wanted to talk or not.

What if she didn’t?

Was I wrong for reaching out to Taylor? Or did Avery have the right to get mad at me? I mean, I understood I cheated on her, something I promised I would never do, but she had lied to me deliberately for months.

I was going to tell her the truth about me and Taylor after the fact, wasn’t I?

Of course I had thought about lying to her, but I didn’t, and that had to count for something. I didn’t deny anything, but I knew I really had had no choice considering the evidence was in plain sight.

So would I have lied to Avery about Taylor and I if I wouldn’t have run into her in the hallway after? Would I have tried to keep it a secret? Or would I have ran straight to her room to tell her I had fucked up and I was truly sorry? A part of me believed I would’ve lied, and another part believed otherwise.

Who was I becoming?

I exhaled a deep breath, feeling the familiar ache in my chest that soon came after. I had a lump in my throat that had been there for hours, waiting to explode. I was refusing to cry because I didn’t want to look like shit and feel like shit when I would go talk to Avery.

I wanted to seem sad, but I wanted to be strong and make sure she knew I meant my apology, because I really was sorry.

I knew I could make the apology into an argument, accuse her of pushing me away when she had kept the father secret from me, but was that really the right thing? I knew I should be the better person and just own up to what I did, but the devil on my shoulder was telling me to save my ass while I still had the chance.

I mean, she had lied, and I mean lied big, it wasn’t just some little white lie. It was huge, and it had ripped me apart.

But I knew in the end it didn’t give me an excuse to cheat, and it disgusted me thinking about what I had done. I closed my eyes, picturing Avery’s hurt face as she had left me standing alone in the hallway after.

How was I going to fix this?

I glanced at the clock which read 10:13 PM, and I knew I should go to Avery’s room. I knew I should at least try to make it better, she deserved that. I needed to see her, and see if she was ok, because I cared about her.