Storms {z.m.}

Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Zayn

My mind kept flashing back to the look on Christine's face earlier today when she saw me walking down the staircase. She was petrified. Her large eyes seemed glossed over and yet I knew she was staring deeper into me than anyone else had the power to do. It was a worrying thing to see, but it seemed familiar.

Then I realized it was the same look that she had on her face the day I told her I was going to audition for the X Factor, and that this time it was for real. The year prior I had decided to audition but ended up chickening out and never even made it to Manchester for the audition. 2010 was going to be different, though. I owed it to my father to not run away from my dreams, but run to them.

“I'm going out for X Factor. Tomorrow. And I'm not backing out like last year. I'm gonna do it, Crissy!” I told her as I shook her shoulders excitedly. Although it took a lot of guts to sign up again, once I made the decision I was extremely ready for it. I knew I wouldn't make it through, but auditioning was the first step in gaining confidence with my voice, so it was a step I needed to take.

I was hoping Christine would be happy for me but the look on her face right now was indescribable. I could see disillusion, hurt, and heartbreak all at once, but I couldn't figure out why. She should be excited for me, shouldn't she?

I rubbed her arms up and down hoping to take her out of this trance she was in, but I had no luck. “Earth to Christine?” I said waving my hand in front of her face. She finally came back to, and now it was my turn to look confused. “What was all that about?”

“Sorry, I just...I thought you had decided not to go. What's changed since last year?” she asks and immediately puts her hand up to her mouth.

My father died.

“My father always told me to run to what I love, and that's what I'm doing, Crissy. I feel so free when I sing, and I feel so confident. You know better than anyone how insecure I am. But when I'm singing I feel like I'm worth a damn. Like I'm worth someone's attention,” I explained to her. I'd never sung in front of Christine. Sure, I sang the theme song to “Friends” and stuff like that, but I never really sang in front of her. She couldn't understand. Only my father could understand, but he was gone now. I know if he was here he would be ecstatic for me to take this opportunity.

I could see Christine's eyes fill with tears as she began to try to reason with me. “But he also told you not to run away from your love, don't you remember that?”

“I love my family but if I stay here just to be close to them I'll never grow. As a person or as an artist,” she looked like I'd just punched her in the stomach. Did I say something wrong?

Suddenly, Christine wiped her tears and her demeanor became scarily composed. Almost cold. “You're right. I'm happy for you,” she said flatly. As if on cue, the storm clouds above us began to shed their contents upon us. The freezing rain began to pour down in sheets and I couldn't tell if Christine was crying or if it was the rain. Her wet hair clung to her face as she shivered from the cold. I took my hoodie off and held it over her head as we ran the rest of the block back to our houses.

Once I got back inside I peeled off my soaked shirt and walked upstairs to my bedroom. When I opened the door I realized I'd left the window wide open and my bed was soaked with rain water. Great. I flicked the light switch on but the light didn't turn on. Even better. Bradford was a hellhole. I need to get out of here, I thought to myself as I walked over to close my window. Through the sheets of torrential rain I saw the light switch on in Christine's bedroom. She was holding my green hoodie to her face and I could see she was sobbing by the bobbing of her shoulders.

I closed the window and shut the blinds as quickly as I could so she wouldn't noticed I saw her. I felt the icy cold on my back as I laid down on the wed duvet and made the decision to not ask for my favorite hoodie back.