Storms {z.m.}

Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Christine

“You can't tell anyone he's here, Crissy,” Liya warned me. I cringed when she called me the familiar nickname Zayn had given me when we were kids.

“Why not?” I asked annoyed. Not that I would even have anyone to tell, Liya was my only real friend. All the people I went to parties and raves with were my acquaintances at best.

“Because the paps don't know he's here. They don't suspect he would return home because he hasn't come back since he left. And we want to keep it that way. He needs time to heal,” she said looking at me. I can't bear to look at her face because with all of these thoughts of Zayn flying around my head I know I would see him in her. I look out the window instead.

Waliyha telling me that Zayn hadn't come home since he left was like telling a math teacher that two plus two equaled four. I knew it better than anybody. And yet, the night before his audition it never crossed my mind that he would never come back.

I remember after making it home I ran upstairs to my room and cried into Zayn's green hoodie. It smelled like him and that made me cry even harder. Pretty soon this would be the only thing I would have that would make me feel like I was next to him. He was out of his mind if he thought I was going to give it back. I would lie and tell him I lost it.

All of the things he said kept playing back in my ears like a broken record, but one thing in particular played back louder than everything else: When I'm singing I feel like I'm worth a damn. Like I'm worth someone's attention. The fact that Zayn thought that when he wasn't singing he wasn't worth someone's attention killed me every time I thought about. He had always been so insecure, but I never realized to what extent his insecurity reached until he said those words.

I always thought Zayn was vain, but I realized he was just extremely insecure and self-conscious. He never told anyone that he could sing because he didn't want to have to sing for them. Because even then he thought his voice wasn't that good. He'd never sung for me before, but I knew his voice would be heavenly. I remember my mouth dropping when I watched his audition on Xtra Factor. The complex and runs and inflections in his voice as he sang “Let Me Love You” gave me goosbumps I couldn't shake for days. This beautiful, talented boy thought that he wasn't worth anyone's attention.

Zayn was the most sweet guy I had ever met and it killed me that he thought that his voice was the only thing that made him special. His voice was extraordinary, but it was nothing compared to the little things that made Zayn who he was. The fact that he loved rap music but sounded so daft whenever he tried to rap himself, the way he always gave himself a once-over in the mirror next to his bedroom door before walking out, the tiny mole behind his left ear, everything about him drove me mad.

I'd known the guy all my life, and although he was a fun and loving person, I'd never seen him show passion like he did when he talked about singing. There was a fire behind his eyes when was telling me how he felt about auditioning for the show. I was torn between being happy for him and feeling pity for myself. The two parts of me battled and the selfish one won. I began to cry just as the rain began to pour down on us. The day that was supposed to be the best day of my life turned out to be the worst.

That is until today.

Just when I had come to grips with the fact that Zayn was gone and would never fulfill my pathetic, girly fantasies, he shows up in Bradford making me question everything I'd just convinced myself of. I don't know what it was about this guy that could dissolve the resolve that had taken me years to build. As soon as I laid eyes on him I knew I was back to square one.

And yet as much as I wanted him back I couldn't let myself run back to him. If he didn't stay for me before when he had nothing to lose, he sure wouldn't stay for me now that he had the world at his feet. My body ached at the possibility of holding him in my arms again, even if just for a friendly hug.

“Fine, I won't tell anyone. One one condition,” I tell Liya. Her eyes are wide as she waits for me to tell her what my one condition is.

“Keep him as far away from me as possible. He so much as steps on my property and I'll call The Sun,” I told her in a harsh voice. I know that if I let myself look into his big brown eyes I would crumble immediately and I couldn't let him break me again.

“And I mean it,” I added before walking back upstairs.