Storms {z.m.}

Chapter 33

Chapter 33 - Christine

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"Brings back memories, innit?" Zayn says looking down at his feet. The right side of his face is now hiding behind a plank of wood. He looks so beautiful it takes the breath from my lungs. Everything I felt during those years of loneliness doesn't compare to actually standing in front of this boy, this man, and knowing that I've kissed him. I know what his lips taste like, I know how his hands feel behind my neck, but most importantly I know that he loves me enough to give me a chance.

"It's so different though. We're in such a different place now," I say walking closer to the fence.

Zayn doesn't answer, he just keeps staring at his feet, avoiding eye contact with me. What's going on? Just a couple hours ago we were kissing, then I see him from across the distance crying his eyes out, and now he won't look at me.

"Zayn, what's happened?" I ask him, getting so close to the fence I can smell the cherry wood.

Zayn brings his hands up and holds the top of the fence and looks up at me finally. His eyes don't look sad like I expected, they look preoccupied. Like there's something he wants to say but he feels he can't.

"What did we...What did I...What are we? What are we now?" he asks looking into my eyes with the utmost intensity. I forgot how intense Zayn can be sometimes. It's like he uses all of his energy to shoot a laser-like beam of emotion at you and there's nothing you can do to not feel it. Just by looking into his eyes you know exactly what he's feeling, and right now I can see an emotion I want to erase immediately: regret.

My breathing goes shallow and my heart speeds up as I start pondering the possibility, no, the reality, that he already regrets having promised to give me a chance. I can't let that happen. What did I do? What made him change his mind? I wonder if the reason for him crying has to do with this. I feel the panic rising in my throat but I have to keep my cool; flipping out on Zayn won't make him change his mind. I just have to prove to him that I'm worth a shot.

I open my mouth to answer his question, but I know that the answer I want to give him, the answer I wish to be true, isn't going to make this situation better. As much as it hurts, I have to change my answer before it reaches my lips. I give him an answer that he won't run away from, "We're friends..."

His eyes don't shrink back, they're still attracting mine like a magnet and I can't look away.

"We're friends that are...exploring our feelings. Nothing more," I say confidently. As much as I am longing to say that Zayn is my boyfriend, I know this will only intimidate him and make him depart from me. My suspicions are proved correct when I see his eyes relax at my answer.

I need to make the tension between us dissolve; we need to go back to being comfortable around each other instead of being awkward like we are right now.

"Wanna lay down and look at our nineteen stars?" I ask giving a weak smile.

He just nods and bends his knees as he goes to lay down on his side of the yard...not exactly what I had in mind.

"I meant together," I say shrugging shyly. His eyes widen when I say "together." This is uncharted territory for us; sure, kissing is extremely intimate, but it also kind of just happened. I didn't have to ask and he didn't have to agree. But cuddling and looking at the stars? This is definitely a boyfriend/girlfriend activity and I'm not sure if he is ready for that, as ready as I may be.