IT imagines and preferences

{patrick} 1

warnings: mentions of mental health problems and sex.

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patrick sat on a stool, hands shaking, looking right into her eyes.

"i think we should break up" he said calmly. on the outside he showed no emotion, but on the inside he might as well have been screaming.

"what? why, what's wrong?" she asked, desperation in her eyes.

the two teenagers were quite different from eachother. patrick had some very violent tendencies and very obvious mental health problems, while she could draw and pick flowers peacfully all day. no one in Derry, not even patrick, understood how or why they were together, they just seemed to work.

she brought happiness into patrick's dull world and patrick showed her how to have some fun every once and a while. she was a good student with an amazing reputation. her and victor had been friends from class and one day he had offered her to hang out with the gang. she politely said yes and walked out of class along side of him. the moment patrick set eyes on her, he knew what he wanted. he was going to make her his no matter what it took.

fast foward a few weeks and she was only ever found around the gang. one day, patrick finally just asked her out and to his surprise, she said yes.

"i- i just think we should" patrick sighed harshly. he wasnt sure what emotion he was feeling inside of him, but it sure as hell hurt.

"im not good for you." he continued "im ruining you. i dont want hurt you"

in that moment he thought back to the night he had taken her virginity. he remembered how fragile she had felt in his arms. how amazing it was. how as hard as he wanted to fuck her, pull her hair, tie her to the bed, and slap her ass, something inside stopped him. that night he had stolen from her, her last peice of innocence. the next morning when she woke up sore, he was terrified he had hurt her, and that was the day that the thought started to plague his mind.

is she real?

he pushed the thought off at first. of course she couldnt be real. only patrick was real, right?

"baby, what do you mean?" she asked softly. the words leaving his lips broke her inside. he was the first person to make her feel free. patrick felt something inside of him snap as he spoke to her.

"im not a good person. i don't even try to be better for you. i never will be. you dont understand what goes on in my head." patrick says, grabbing his head in his hands and pulling at his hair. she moved closer to patrick and grabbed his hand in hers.

"i want to. i want to understand how you feel and think and i can accept the fact that you arent like everyone else but thats why i love you pat. you cant leave me." patrick turned his head to be greeted by her gaze. he grazed his hand along her cheek.

last night had been the final straw for him. she was fast asleep in his arms as his eyes explored every feature on her face. patrick did this frequently. he brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, ghosting his finger tips back down her face, tracing her cheekbone.
he couldn't understand how something so beautiful couldnt be real. his first thought was to kill her to
repossess his place as the only real person, but that thought scared him even more than her being real. real or not, he wasnt good for her so he made the decision that he would back off.

"i love you too princess" patrick says slowly. he stumbled hard on those words, for reasons he didnt really understand. "thats why i have to leave" he placed a soft kiss on her jaw and then lips. he pulled away and immediately looked in the other direction after seeing the pain in her eyes. she would always be his. the only thing that could take her away from him was himself.

feelings rushed through patricks veins. the pain was almost unbearable. the emotions were so foreign to him. he remembered back to the first date he brought her on. how his body tingled everytime she'd touch him. the rush of adrenaline he felt when he placed his lips on hers. the way she shivered in the chilly autumn weather. the way she laughed at his semi violent nature when he threw his flannel at her face.

another wave of emotions came over him when he started to think of the first time he took her to the junk yard. when she wrapped her arms tightly around him as he told her about avery. the way her face scrunched up slightly when he pulled the dead squirrel out of the fridge. how excited he felt when she told him she thought it was kind of artistic and beautiful the way his brain worked while inspecting the dead rodent. the way he wrapped his arms around her waist when she told him she loved him for the first time.

not knowing what else to do, patrick stood up and grabbed his stuff. she got up and blocked the door.

"y/n, please." patrick says, choking back a whimper.

she wraps her arms tightly around his neck and lets out a few silent tears into his shoulder.

she looks at him, despair written in both of their eyes, and remembers everything. every part of their relationship her brain could think of.

she thought of the first time they went swimming at the quarry.
she remembered the first time they walked into school together and all the judging looks burning into them. most of all, she remembers the first time she ever saw him. sure she had gone to school with him for 11 years already but the first time she ever saw him was different. she knew everyone was scared of him but she thought he was beautiful, like a peice of artwork. from his vicious tendencies to the way his hair fell over his face when he'd doodle in class, she thought he was perfect. she drew him frequently in the back of her notebooks, never quite understanding why she was so drawn to the boy. the day that victor took her to hang out she saw patrick. the way his eyes would light up when something he liked happened, the way he would stare at the flames from his makeshift flamethrower, or play with his lighter was magnificent to her. she always wanted to know what was next to come.

she brought her lips to his and kissed him hard. her hands tangled in his hair while his arms snaked around her waist.

when they finally pulled away, they stared in eachothers eyes again.

"bye" patrick said soft and contently.

"bye" she said back, trying to make it feel as though she'd see him in her bed tomorrow.

she moved out of the way and patrick head for the door. he turned around to take one more look at her and all her beauty, he smiled, he didnt smirk, he genuinely smiled through the sadness. he closed the door silently behind him as the tears started flowing down his face.

he is god. why did everything hurt? if she's not real why can't he let go? he sat next to the door silently crying as he heard the heartbreaking sobs from the other side of the door. that was enough to set him off. with that, he stood up, brushed off his pants, wiped the tears off his face, and left.

authors note:
i might make a part two? do you guys want a part two? if so, should it have a happy or sad ending? im not gonna lie, this one made me extremely emotional and I'm not sure why. im sorry updates have been slow. school has been kicking my ass. i love you guys so much and thank you for 8k reads!
xoxo,
the author

ps- should i make a meet the author chapter when this book hits 10k? im the kind of reader who usually skips those so, would you guys be interested in it?
please leave requests <3