Handwritten Words

Nightmares

That school day, I received a letter. A Death Letter, I like to call it. From who? My worst enemy. The girl who looked down at me. The girl who hated me for even existing. 
You are nothing but a manipulator, a player. You deserve nothing.
Her words repeated in my mind. I went home and went into my bedroom, closing the curtains, turning off the lights, shutting the door, and laying in bed. I stayed there going through all my thoughts, looking at the wall. 
You are a follower. You are a peace of dust. You are a cheater! 
I didnt notice I was crying till I started to sob into my pillow. Tears streamed down my face like if I was a living waterfall. "That's not me at all, that's not me at all, that's not me at all!" I thought. Moments later, I found myself praying that this awful pain would stop. I cried and cried, until I finally fell asleep.

6 years old. Small, adventurous, young me. I sat in a room where 2 bed houses were made on each side. An older girl and an older boy were in the room with me. I was the only youngster. We started to play a game that we had made up randomly. " House of Sleeps" We would just go inside the houses and sleep or do something quietly.  Since there was only 2 bed houses, someone had to share. I was stuck sharing with the older boy, 5 years older. 
I went under the covers and he followed behind. My curls springed out and I feel the boys hand twirl his finger with my curl. "You're beautiful" he whispered. Surprised by the unexpected comment, I backed away a little saying nothing. He still moved towards me as we laid down under the covers. My back hit the wall and I was track. His face was inches away from mine. I feared what came next. "Shh, you have to be quiet" he said as his hands touched my face and...

Months later I was found in his room again. We were alone talking about strange things again. His mom and sister invited me to go to the park with them. When they were gone he whispered in my ear "We play mom and dad..and you know...do all the adult things." I shook my head and went to the park with the mom and daughter instead.

Many years past. Same touch, over and over. Some tears every night. I stand in a dark place. I feel gloomy inside. I'm alone. I'm scared of every male that walks past me. I try to cover every piece of my body. He still haunts me.

I wake up. Tears are still coming down from my eyes. I look around the room and it's dark, and I'm alone. I fall asleep, ending my nightmare of a reality and fall into my nightmare of a past.
" I dont let his touch me anymore"