Handwritten Words

What If He Died?

He was the one that I have looked up to the most for the longest time. The one that I would call mine and my husband, my everything. I was always able to answer any question about him but I always got stuck on one question.

" What if he died? "

Yeah, what if he died? I am just a 13 year old who has been in love with this guy for almost 8 years. What do I know about what I'd do if he died. Cry? Whine? What would I do?

One day I sat in bed and looked up at my posters just admiring the looks that he gives off and just daydreaming about him like always. Later, I came across this video that said..

" What if Justin Bieber Died? "

I cant really explain what I was feeling just hearing the girl sob and cry as she hears her number 1 idol be announced dead. All I could do was look up at the posters on my wall again and just shake my head.

What would I do?

I wont lie, I would most likely cry and just beg him to come back. Not because I loved him and because I adored him, but because that would mean that I am losing the one person that was with me through it all. 

Some people dont understand, he was never just some other celebrity. He was never just some other guy. He was more like my best friend that I never got to see and that lived miles and miles away from me....

" Why love someone that doesnt even know you live on this earth? "

I had a very clear answer for that one. I didnt really say it right there and then, only because it was just too much to take. But, it's because those types of people actually are able to help someone even when they are miles away. He helped me through everything, the good and bad. 

Like I said, he was more like a best friend. He stuck with me through EVERYTHING. Honestly, more than anyone i know in actual life. He was that one person to make me smile even though it felt like it was impossible at times. He was that one person to make me feel happy and make me feel good about myself.

If I ever lost him, I wouldnt know what to do wih my life anymore. I wouldnt have that same support. But I know that no matter how much I beg, how much I cry, how much I scream, he will still be gone. 

So, what would I do if he died?

Dream all over again. Dream as if he was still here. Hope as if there was still a chance. Believe as if he was telling me to do so all over again. 

I'll tell you what...

If I was able to live life just ok without him being exactly next to me..I'm pretty sure I'd make it through the nights with him living just in my heart..

I'd remember everything. Every good moment from the beginning, to the end of his life. I'd remember everything he ever did to me to make me smile..

Now it would be my turn..I'd do what he thought would be best for me.. and make him smile..