Frozen Away

Day Four: Suspicion

This ship is a floor of egg shells.

I have never in my life wanted to leave as much as I wanted to right now. It has been two weeks, TWO WEEKS, since Allura and I went at it and needless to say we have been avoiding each other like the plague. She'll give me glances of remorse and I've been keeping my distance to avoid any kind of apology, causing a rift to form in the team. Hunk and Pidge cornered me in the kitchen one day, forcing me to spill how I've felt and they joined my side. Shiro and Coran have been actively avoiding me, joining Team Allura, and I've noticed that Shiro has been edging extra training on me. I don't mind because it's been helping me get better control, but I can tell it's payback  for yelling at Allura and for "pushing" Keith into his current position.

I feel like out of us all, Keith has the worst of it. He just found out that he is blood related to the enemy and is rejected immediately, to ultimately see his teammate explode, causing him to choose sides. If he chooses Team Allura, he gets to be with possibly the only family he knows but he also has to stay and support the one person that currently hates him. On the other hand, if he joins Team Lance, he gets to deal with the his bombshell in peace, but looses his family. Right now, Keith is neutral in this silent battle, but I can tell it's hard for him. I would help him if I could but I can't even get everyone in the same room together. Even if they don't realize it, we all need to be grateful that the empire hasn't attacked because there is no way we can form Voltron while in this petty squabble.

They refuse to eat with me, leaving Pidge, Hunk, and occasionally Keith to eat with me in silence as we think of ways to end this. Pidge isn't much help due to her being influenced too much by her anger, so her suggestion is out. Keith never says anything productive, it's usually only a thanks for sticking up for him and for not making him choose a side, which leaves Hunk. Good ol' Hunky-Dorey pretty much is the main reason why I have been able to stay calm anymore, but even he just tells me what I already know. If we are ever going to form Voltron again, I need to suck it up and apologize for what I said to Allura. Once I do that, hopefully it will bring the conversation that fixes whatever is going on in this place.

Exploring my new found hobby of sighing, I stare at the ceiling over my bed. The only good thing about these shells is that it has gave me time to think up solutions for my current situation. I have been messing around with a lock I picked up at the space mall to secure my room to have a  place to practice in private. I still am not completely sure on how to set it up, but I'll figure it out. I kind of have to if I want to gain control over my powers. A small beep fills the room as I look over at the clock.

'Time for training... As if we would actually train today.' I scoffed and rolled out of my bed, frowning at the faint outline of ice on the bed. 'I really needed to get this under control if I were to go out into battle again.' I thought as I made my way over to the training room, everyone but Coran being present in the observation deck. It looked like everyone was chatting casually until I brought in an awkward silence. I looked around to see the room slowly lean into teams, leaving Keith in the middle of the room. Shiro was giving me a look and Allura stepped up to me.

"Lance, I-"

"Stop," I put a hand on her shoulder, "you don't need to apologize because this whole thing is my fault. I shouldn't have took my anger out on you like that. Yes, you said some inappropriate things to both Keith and I, but I was out of line. I've just been in a lot of stress lately, we all have, and I took it out on you because you were an easy out. I really shouldn't have done that and I'm really sorry about it." I scratch the back of my neck and took a step backwards. "No hard feelings?"

Allura smiled softly and seemed to visibly relax, "Thank you Lance, but I really should be the one apologize. My behavior was and never will be acceptable for what I said to both of you. I let my own feelings cloud my judgment and I am grateful that neither of you have any ill will toward me." She paused, "I can't say that I would have forgave someone if they would have done what I did, and I thank you for giving me a chance to redeem myself."

"I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we know you didn't mean it" I heard Keith say as we turned our attention to him. "You definitely shouldn't have said what you did, but honestly, I would have snapped at you if Lance wouldn't have beat me to it."

"Thank you Keith, and I am terribly sorry that I accused you of being a spy. As a princess and as an Altaen, it was completely wrong of me to even think that."

"Don't worry about it Allura," Keith smiled and turned his attention to me. I nodded in agreement.

"Now, I say it's time we all stopped the twilight war and got to spending some quality time together again." I laughed as I heard Pidge and Hunk groan at my comment and for the first time in two weeks, we actually had a cohesive training session. I didn't get any extra tasks and the tension in the air was slowly leaving.

Over the next few weeks everything was going well. We were working out details with the Blade and the Olkari to attack the Empire, and we were slowly gathering all resources, and person, that we needed. Everything was running smoothly as long as it was outside of casa de Lance. While I got the lock attached and in working order, control was still an issue even if it was better. The main issue is that as the nights role on, the more I feel disconnected. It was almost as I had been through this and had been living through my memories. Most recently, I've noticed that the black room has been coming back to my dreams. Being pinned to a non-existent wall like a picture frame, just watching as my life flashes by, but it's not just that. It's the feeling of uselessness as I watch my friends get hurt because of my powers, dieing because I can't even summon a single speck to protect them. What's the point of having powers of you can't even use them? Everything I do is coated in fear; the fear of hurting them, the fear of being found out, and the fear of being rejected. Why would someone as weak as me be cursed with these abilities? I mean, I don't even know what all I can do! The most I've done is use it to boost Blue's abilities and even that takes a lot out of me. I can't imagine using it in hand to hand.  I'm even more useless if I over use my powers.

First it's an overwhelming feeling of the energy being drained out of you, leaving me hardly able to stand. Next, it's the crippling pain that rips through your body, starting at your chest and filling the rest faster than lightning. Lastly, it's the cold. That very same cold that surrounds you, crowding your bones with an aching numbness. From there it starts from your toes and fingers, slowly freezing everything in its path until it reaches your chest. The closer it is, the harder it is to undo, expecially when you're dead.

I slowly open my eyes and roll onto my side, staring at the wall beside my bed. Halfway up, there is a list of rules with a picture of my family taped beside it. I had Pidge help me to print out one using the same tech we had used to initially bond and it really has helped. If I can somehow make it out of this war, the first thing I am going to do is go home and tell my family that I'm alive. That I fought and won against the bad guys and that I finally got to see space, but even I know that it might not happen. Sighing, I turned my attention to list of rules on the wall. My safe little list of three had turned into ten. My personal favorite probably had to be Rule 5; which is that anything can freeze if you try hard enough. The pranks I have pulled because of that one have been legendary if I say so myself. However, the rule that I need the most is number six where patience yields focus, with focus comes warmth. Yeah, I stole the first part but the last is my own idea. Its how I learned to dissolve what I create and more so how I keep from freezing everything known to man. 

I flop unto my back, feeling reality tug at my mind. The disconnection filling my body as I struggled to stay awake. Every time I fell asleep the more I felt myself pull away from the present. The void I found myself in only brought more questions than it did answers. Why could I see my memories? Why could I hear things I've never been through before? The most unnerving of them all was, why was that thing slowly pushing it's way into my head? Despite my efforts, nothing was working as I slowly fell into the darkness again.