One shots (johnlock fluff mostly)

Machine Heart

Ive been hiding it for too long; it's aching and pushing through, like the good that explodes from the doctors body when he regenerates, bursting from my chest and I can't hold it back anymore. You all thought I was unfeeling. A machine.

I pushed and pulled it
I let you do it too
Like it was metal
Like it was bulletproof
I forgot to cry when I was sad
I forgot to fight when I was mad
I made the moves that others would approve
But it ain't calculated
It ain't by the rules
And you can hate it, baby
But it's gonna do what it's gonna do, yeah

Im looking at you now and you look back. I can't take it anymore and I escape the flat. "I'm off out!" I shout as I tumble down the stairs.

I don't have a machine heart
Can't tell it to stop
No button to push to start
You'll see it break
You'll see it fall apart
Cause I don't have, I don't have a machine heart
No, a machine heart

London's air is cold, the smog thick today like the rain that pelts down. I used to see beauty in the rain but when it's against me I feel surrounded and drowning but it cools my skin only slightly from where you brushed by my side earlier. When you grabbed my hand and whispered run when we were in that warehouse the other day and you'd spotted the serial killer with a machete.

I kept it quiet
But now you'll hear it scream
Cause good or bad or right or wrong
It's finally found its beat
And it ain't calculated
It ain't by the rules
And you can hate it, baby
But it's gonna do what it's gonna do, yeah

Big Ben chimes and I watch from a distance, standing over the Thames's in Westminster bridge. The last chimes for four years. And it's still a beating living breathing machine but it's going to be ignored now, unable to voice itself for four whole years, double what I had to when I was caught in Serbia.

I don't have a machine heart
Can't tell it to stop
No button to push to start
You'll see it break
You'll see it fall apart
Cause I don't have, I don't have a machine heart (a machine heart)
A machine heart (a machine heart)
A machine heart (a machine heart)
A machine heart (a machine heart)

I keep walking and after a while I find myself outside Buckingham palace. I walk across the road and head down for a bit ending up in st James park and I feel my chest clench. Mary. Sorry John.

I won't always get it right
But hey ain't that just life?
At least you're getting something real
I won't always get it right
But hey ain't that just life?
I want it bad, wanna feel

I'm sat on the grass, out in the open, just near he river that flows with that fountain and all the swans. The grass speaks through my trousers and the rain through my top half. My coat no longer repellant to the weather as my great is no longer repellant to emotions. To love.

And cause I don't have a machine heart
Can't tell it to stop
No button to push to start
You'll see it break
You'll see it fall apart
Cause I don't have, no I don't have a machine heart (a machine heart)
A machine heart (a machine heart)

An hour later and I get a text. It's from you and I'm off in a panic when I read the words.

Come home, we need to talk-JW

No no no, you're going to leave aren't you, move away from me, you can't take me anymore, I knew it would come eventually and I'm sorry for snapping earlier but-

I'm broken.

I pushed and pulled it
I let you do it, too
I let you do it, too
I pushed and pulled it
I let you do it, too
I let you do it, too

"Your not broken sherlock" and the voice cuts through my conscience and into my head and I want to scream. "You're just human"

But I don't have a machine heart
No I don't have a machine heart

"Rosie's being taken care by Molly, surely you would find it best if we were to arrange some sort of talk now rather than later?"

I look up from my knees and Mycroft's still talking but it's all a blur, no, because over his shoulder I see a cab pull over and a man with silver blonde hair climbs out with a black patch jacket and cream woollen jumper, the way you used to dress and blue jeans and brown loafers and they slip slightly in the mud of the rain and seeing me that face twist in worry but I see a smile.

"John?"

"Sherlock?"