Letters To Elliot -horan //COMPLETED AND EDITING//

11-06-14

Dear Elliot,

Not sure how the formalities work with these things but we can try.

How are you? I mean, how does it feel to live in a notebook? Having your life radiate through the lines and expressing your emotions through the same white spaces? is everything as simple as it seems for you? I'd do anything to be you.

I'm stuck on this revolving planet, misunderstood and alone. Lonely and alone.

Tanya said that I'm supposed to tell you everything that happened today and how I feel but I'm not sure what to say that wont necessarily bore you.

I don't go out much, you know? I don't think there's much out there for me honestly. There's just people with devious minds and cruel intentions inflicting others with the same pain that that turned them into who they are, continuing the cycle.

I don't want to do that, Elliot. I know I can't save them, I mean I can't even save myself, but I don't want to hurt them.

So today. Saw Tanya, came back and listened to music, as any other day I didn't mind the loneliness I drowned in because at least I was saving my soul distress.

I didn't smoke much today though, the one was just fine.

Oh, and I like to smoke. It sort of numbs everything I've been avoiding to feel. when you're puffing out the nearly ingested air, you hold this kind of control that cannot be tampered with. You feel this power, something the system has revoked, and you breathe the stress out with each puff. Oh god I need one now.

I hope you don't judge my by this.

In my defense, I'm very aware its killing me slowly but then again so is everything else. Its a rebellion. I get to choose the way I die. Whether it be brutal or by a little stick, its my decision, one of the only things I get a say in and I think thats absolutely lovely. 

It's just my escape, everybody need theirs right?

I wish I knew what yours was...

-Cass