14-06-14

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Dear Elliot, 

I saw him at the park again, you know, the angel? I dont know if he saw me back but all i know is that i admired him and admired him and admired him and I could safely say it was okay till i looked down to check the time and found his feet shuffling in front of mine. 

He said hello. 

I said hi back.

He asked for one of my cigarettes and I froze. I don't know, it was the pack I carried in my pocket just in case for the past week and I had caressed every bit of it. He would be touching my touch, gliding his fingers over my leftover fingerprints I know I seem stupid and it seems like nothing. but it happened to feel like everything.

I eventually got myself together and handed him the cigarette. not looking at him but his hands. 

We sat together for a while, entrenched by our silence and its backing vocals. 

Elliot, oh my- i've never seen anything look as beautiful as he did in the sunlight.

But I screwed up; I was bound to.

The minute he finished his, I sped off. I knew there would be a conversation after our beings became idle and I couldn't do that.

I know I always talk about death but he could be my trigger, the one I've been trying to avoid. I've lived with the useless gun for so long as i tried to not notice it but with the trigger present I don't think I'll be able to make it.

-Cass

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