My Secret Valentine

Chapter 18

I stared at Noah as a tear slid down his face but he was quick to turn the other way thinking that I didn't see it. Killed his brother? How? Could I be on a double story roof top with a killer? 

Killers don't just admitt they kill people you idiot there must be an explanation.

Ask him.

"How did it happen?" I ased trying to remain calm and not throw myself off of the rooftop. You know? Beat him to it.

"It's a long story."

"It's a long way till the morning, you have time." I urged on.

"Do you really want to know?" He asked his expression dim and sad.

"Yeah well you kind of left me on a cliff hanger here, I need to know now."

"  My brother and I we were always close, growing up and everything. He was four years older than me, but that made no difference in our friendship. He would always want to do things that were irrational and crazy, and I would always follow because I wanted to be just like my big brother. Well, when I was fourteen and he was eighteen we went for a drive and I pushed him to let me drive the car. He kept saying no, but being the stubborn guy that I was I kept persisting until he let me get behind the wheel. Being fourteen I was young and immature and I decided to go about one twenty on the highway, when a truck intercepted at the same time we were coming. It collided with us making contact with the passenger side where my brother was, I tried talking to him, calling out his name and begging for him to answer me. But he remained immobile. Still. He wouldn't  move an inch. We were both rushed to hospital immediately except I was taken to a seperate section and he was taken to the intensive care unit. He didn't last a couple hours there before my mother's cries filled the hospital and my life got turned upside down. So now everytime I close my eyes I see his face and it's not the happy one from our childhood it's the one with the blood and glass shattering around him. And as I said we would always spend time on this roof, fixing it in memory of my father also who died. Now it's a place where I mourn them both each and everyday." Noah explained not once meeting my eyes as he was consumed with all the sadness of his father and brother's memory.

"I'm so sorry Noah." I began, "But you can't blame yourself and you most definitely can't say that you killed him. It's just not fair. I am sure you beat yourself over it every day and you're losing sleep because of it, but it's not your fault. You were young and reckless, everyone goes through that stage. You shouldn't be beating yourself up too much about it, what's done can't be undone you need to move on." I said trying to comfort him but that only made things a lot worse.

"How could you say it's not my fault. I'm not stupid, I know it was! I was speeding when I had never driven before and I got my brother killed. It's as simple as that."

"But it was an accident." I tried again.

"I was intentionally speading, Letti. That was no accident."

"But you didn't mean for it to happen."

"Let's just change the subject already." He said covering up his hurt.

"Okay, I guess it's your turn to ask a question." I said to him, hoping that these questions wouldn't be so serious anymore.

"Why do you live with your aunt?" He asked the most personal question that could be asked to someone in my situation.

"I live with my aunt because when my mother died, I no longer wanted to live alone with my father." I said trying to keep the details of the abuse out of the conversation.

"How come?" He persisted.

"You know I'm use to this game not being this emotional and full on, I'm use to the guy waiting two seconds before whipping out the 'are you a virgin' question. "I laughed and he laughed too," Not this emotional let's take turns being Dr Phil."