See you again

Chapter 25 (it's not over yet)

CHAPTER 25

The three of us sat in silence, no one wanted to speak..what would we say? I sat in the arm chair staring out the window a d zayn and Niall were on the couch,we were in Louis's old flat, which I was going to rent soon..I'd live here now, Niall said he might move in too, he could always sleep in Harry's old room..I sighed aloud and glanced at Zayn who had his hands over his face and wouldn't speak but I honestly don't blame him...I wouldn't talk to me either after what I'd just done or let happen happen anyways..Niall could tell how upset we were and tried to lighten the mood with a joke, I managed a tiny smile just to make him happy..Zayn on the other hand glared at him "you think this is funny?" He scolded raising an eyebrow. "N-No...man I just-" "don't talk to me.." Niall hung his head looking guilty. "Sorry.." He whispered sadly biting his lip. "No Niall, I should be sorry...I've ruined everything..we had an amazing life we were happy..and now it's gone.." I sighed bringing my right hand to my face, wiping my eyes. I didn't want to cry I've never liked crying..but that's all we've done in the last week....a day after the suicide, the police where trying to talk to me, asking me what happened and why I hadn't phoned the doctor when he started getting worse..they said I could've prevented this from happening...and the saddest part..is its true, but I couldn't answer any of their questions,I was crying so much....I was so down I was thinking of doing the exact same thing as Louis..just ending it all because I couldn't take the pain anymore. But I'm still here..I couldn't do that to Niall and Zayn they've been through so much in the last month or two and I'd just make things worse...and I know I wouldn't do that..kill myself, it was just a thought that came to mind. "Do you guys wanna spend the night here, or just go home? I don't mind if you go" I said quietly gazing out the window at the storm clouds that were forming in the sky. I don't know why it has to be so rainy it makes everything seem sad...I'd love to get out of the house and take a nice long walk and get some fresh air. I turned my attention back to the boys, "so?" I said quietly waiting for a response, "um I'll stay...I guess" Niall nodded, "ok.. what about you Zayn?" I asked tapping him on the shoulder, he seemed to be in his own little world at the moment, and couldn't hear a thing I said. "Zayn" "huh? Oh sorry...um y-yeah I'll stay" "thanks guys..I don't want to force you to stay if you wouldn't like to..I understand if it reminds you of Loui-" "hey Liam don't stress out about it..it's fine" I nodded and sighed. "Is anybody hungry? Because I haven't eaten sense breakfast" Niall whined sticking out his bottom lip, I smiled a little bit. How is he always so positive in situations like this? Zayn and I exchanged glances and snickered, how could he be thinking of food at a time like this? I don't mind I guess...at least someone is happy...But I'll never be happy again..how can I? My two best friends are gone..I could've saved Louis, I know I could have I shouldn't have left him alone that day, I knew something was up..why didn't I stay?! If I'd of stayed with him maybe his mood would've changed, he wouldn't have been left alone with his thoughts..I wonder if it was just one his "moods" or he really was planning on killing himself.... maybe the Doctor was right...even if they had to strap him down and lock him up, Louis would've been better off at the mental institution...where he would've been supervised 24/7 and better yet away from me...

(Still writing one more chapter)