In Real Life.

Twenty.

Light streamed through the window, nearly blinding me as I opened my eyes. Memories from last night came back to me, reminding me of my episode. I groaned to myself, unable to believe I did that. Now they're going to be asking all kinds of questions. The last thing I wanted was for my past to follow me. I shuffled out of bed, making my way down the stairs, finding the boys in the kitchen.

"Good morning boys!"

"Someones cheery, you alright love?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be Liam?"

"Because of last night..?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

They all gave me puzzled looks and I sighed. Dangit.

"Fine, you got me. Look I just don't want to talk about."

"Baby, you wouldn't let me near you, and you screamed when I did. Something is wrong. Was it something I did?"

"Niall, it's not just you, it was all of you, except for Liam.."

"What do you mean except for Liam?"

I groaned and put my face in my hands, shaking my head rapidly.

"I just...I really don't want to talk about because I'll start, I'll start-"

Tears began to stream down my face, like I knew they would if I thought about it. 

"-crying."

My shoulders shook with every heart-wrenching cry. The boys gathered around me, smothering me into a tight hug. After a few minutes I calmed down and reached for some tissues.

"Will you please tell us what's wrong Al? Everything?"

Harry and the others all had tears in their own eyes and at that moment, I knew they truly cared.

"Everything?"

"Everything."

I nodded my head, fearing this situation.

"Go sit down in the living room, and I'll tell you alright?"

They nodded and left. If they wanted to know everything, then so be it. I changed into a pair of shorts that I could easily maneuver in and went back down stairs, wiping my face and sniffling a bit.

"Alright. How about we start with questions and I'll just answer them, or do you want me to just start from the beginning?"

"I only have one question, then you can start wherever."

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you freak out when we, or more so Niall, got near you?"

Good question Zayn. I took a deep breath, swallowing back my tears before starting with my life story.

"Alcohol. Everything about it makes me sick. The look, the taste, the smell especially. The reason being, my Mom was a massive alcoholic, still is. I haven't spoken to her in awhile, though she calls every now and then. When I was younger, she would get completely enraged over absolutely nothing and she'd yell at me, hurt me-" 

I wiped my face again and continued, strength from an unknown place urging me to be strong and continue.

"-she would hurt me physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally. She'd tell me how worthless and ugly I was, and I believed it. She wasn't always like that, only when she would drink. At the time, I figured it was okay. She was my Mom, she did everything right and everything she said had to be true, you know, I was a Mommy's girl. I loved her to the moon and back. And to try and make her happy, I'd do anything for her. I was her puppet. I would smoke cigarettes and drink with her. I had a problem with it for a few years. Throughout that time, she screwed me and my Dad over a lot, with her sick, twisted mind games. She was so manipulative, but nobody knew.  Everyone loved her, until they got caught in her vicious web. Then when things got worse, I cut a few times. I stopped until 2 years later, when I was 16 and I lost myself. My Dad remarried and everyone moved on and was happy, but I was depressed, struggling with my weight, I even formed an eating disorder for awhile. I absolutely hated myself. I blamed myself for everything that ever happened. I figured maybe if I was smarter, or prettier, or even skinnier, she'd love me more, and she wouldn't hurt me, but nothing I ever did was good enough. I wasn't good enough and so, to make myself feel better I did this-"

I lifted up my shorts to expose my thighs. Scars in the dozens covered my legs right below my underwear. The boy's eyes filled with shock, pain, sadness, whatever you want to call it.

"-nobody ever knew about it, until now. I tried to be strong, for my Daddy and little sister, I put on a great cover. Faking a smile was easy. I fooled everyone, but it hurts knowing that most of my life was a lie, it was all a big facade. I tried to forget the past, but it followed me and no matter how much my Dad promised he loved me and was there for me, I couldn't trust anyone anymore, not even him. Everything she said was a lie, even 'i love you'. I-I don't even know what love is, and I don't know if I'm capable of ever loving someone again."