In Real Life.

Thirty-Four.

I hesitated answering the phone. Should I answer it? The more I thought about it the quicker my held in anger bubbled up. How dare she call me. I cut her out of my life a little over 2 years ago and I had planned on keeping it that way. I thought she got the hint when I told her that in the court room, but obviously not. The phone continued to ring in my hand. I answered, despite the state of emotion I was in.

"Why are you calling me?! I told you over 2 years ago that I didn't want you in my life anymore and I meant it!" I drew in ragged breaths as I waited for her response. After everything she's done to me, she still isn't satisfied.

"You still have my number."

"Unfortunately it's memorized, what do you want?!"

"I was calling to see how my oldest daughter is, seeing as how close we are. How are you gulla?" I rolled my eyes at her use of my childhood nickname. 

"Haven't you done enough to me?"

"What are you talking about gulla gulla? I haven't done anything." Playing stupid, as usual.

"Don't call me that!"

"What? Gulla? But that's your nickname. Your my baby girl." Her voice slurred a bit and I realized she was drunk, like always.

"You make me sick. I fucking hate you."

"No you don't. Stop saying that. I love you gulla."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me, and you wouldn't have called me." This seemed to have struck her and she instantly became just as angry as me.

"After everything I did for you Aleena. All the times I got you dressed, did your hair, and made sure you had everything, all the times you told me I deserved better-" Her voice was low and dangerous, but I'd heard it so many times, that I was now unaffected by it. She always sent me on an emotional roller coaster. I was now crying silently to myself. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to me again.

"I was stupid then and none of that makes up for all the pain you caused me! We've been over this so many times, but you obviously can't get it through your thick head! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Aleena-"

"NO! DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME AGAIN!" I hung up my phone and threw it at the wall as hard as I could. I made my way into the bathroom just in time to throw up. She messes me up bad enough to make me physically sick.

I sat on the cold tile floor in front of the sink and opened the cabinet. My head was pounding as I tried to catch my breath. I ransacked around for some kind of medicine, when something caught my eye. A shaver. I shakily grabbed it and examined it closely. When I was desperate enough to cut, I had a technique to bust open the shaver and pull out the razors inside of it.

Flashbacks from my child hood progressed through my mind, each time more clearer than the last. All those hurtful names and all the punishments. All the nights she was completely smashed. All the nights of relentless fighting and arguing. It all came rushing back and I found my self going through the steps to remove the razor. Once I had it in my hand, I pulled up my shorts, exposing my thighs, and began what I had ended years ago.

-

"Hey, Aleena. We're all going out for pizza you wanna-" Liam burst into the bathroom just when I was about to make the 28th cut of the day. My legs were completely covered in blood and tears. "Aleena! What the hell are you doing? What were you thinking?! DANIELLE COME IN HERE, HURRY!" He swiftly picked me up and huddled me into him tightly, not caring if he were getting blood all over himself. I began to cry even more knowing that there would be consequences. 

"Yeah Liam?" Danielle bounded into the room, the gang not far behind her, and stopped abruptly in her tracks when she saw me. Her face quickly fell and she started to cry. When everyone else caught sight of me, I assumed their reactions were the same, but I was only focused on Niall.