it's not you, it's me

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27/11/2017

I wish you weren't so kind.
Your smile carves a knife into my heart,
Driving guilt into my veins.
You confess your feelings are
Far from platonic;
I suppose I am awful for not
Feeling the same.

I wish I never caught your eye.
Then it would spare me the pain
Of hurting you;
Of confessing
We are on two different planes.

I wish I reciprocated your feelings,
For I must be illogical to not.
You have shown me nothing but kindness,
Yet I still cringe at the thought–
The thought of romance and intimacy;
Things I would allow to rot.

I wish I had the courage
To be honest with you;
To save you from wasting your time.
But I fear you would resent me;
That you simply would never understand.
My lack of interest is not
Something I can control;
It is something far out of my grasp.

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