Dark (The Past Never Changes)

Chapter 57

Kaylee's POV

Bree walks through the door and I give her the biggest hug ever. She drops the things she's holding and hugs back. After a few seconds she's pulls away and grabs my face.

"What's wrong?" She asks, pushing the hair away from my face.

"Bree, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know that you've been having a hard time with your parents passing all this time. I've been so selfish to you about my dad. You've been there for me and never once did I think about how you're being affected." I look her in the eyes and her face falls. She drops her hands from my face and looks at the ground.

"Where did this come from?" She asks.

"After you had your nightmare, I realized all the times you were there for me and how many I've been there for you. That felt like the first time I've held you since they died." I explain. She sighs and walks to the couch. I follow her and she sits down.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Kay." She tells me.

"Yes I have. I resented my father even when you said I shouldn't say that. I know why you told us not to fight with our parents. We have been constantly hurting you by fighting and arguing with our parents. It's so clear now. And I'm so sorry that I put you through that. I'm so sorry I never asked how you were doing when it was written on your face." I tell her.

"Stop, it's okay." She says.

"No, no it's not okay. I wanna be here for you." I tell her and she finally looks at me, tears in her eyes.

Bree's POV

Hearing the words I've been dying to hear for the last few years hurts more than I thought it would. I haven't expected Kaylee, Devin, or Mariah to really be there for me after my parents passed, but I hoped that they would ask me regularly how I was dealing with it. I kept it in, and now I feel guilty for making Kaylee feel like a bad friend. But I don't know how to feel. I've never actually sat down with someone and told them about my feelings toward losing my family.

"You're hear now." I tell her. "I'm sorry for making you feel like a bad friend."

"No, I did this to myself." She says.

"Don't fall okay? Just don't fall back into your hole. I don't want you to go back." I tell her.

I care for Kaylee's feelings and I know she can't control some of the things she does, but it's my turn to be selfish and if she goes back to that dark place in her life, I swear I'll never talk to her again, and I'll never forgive myself for letting her lay on the floor and get consumed by it.

"I won't. Just please promise me you'll talk to me when you need to okay?" She asks.

"I promise." I say.

We sit here for a while, in silence. It feels better than it used to, you know just sitting here alone in a room with my best friend. I used to carry a burden of wanting to tell her exactly how I felt but never doing so because I was afraid she'd need me more than I needed her. I was never upset by the way our friendship has been, not in the worst way at least. I did long for the comfort I felt from my parents, but all along I knew I would never receive the exact same comfort again.

"What's on your mind?" Kaylee breaks the silence.

"A little bit of everything." I admit.

"Tell me." She puts a hand on my arm.

"I, I uh. I can still feel them. Being afraid to lose somebody isn't nearly as scary as being afraid to forget the way they talk, laugh, smile. Really the way they do anything. I think what's scarier is starting to forget before they even pass away. When you find out that a person you cared about and loved dearly isn't living anymore, your mind races with all of the memories and thoughts of everything you shared and what they did, only to be forgotten a couple years later. You're reminded of the reasons they meant so much to you but eventually lose hold of every single one." I look down and start to tear up, again. "You don't think about it much until it happens. That's what makes you take advantage of the time you spend with them. To you, there's always a tomorrow, but what are you supposed to do when you wake up in the morning and find out tomorrow was yesterday and there will never be another one? There will never be the sight of them standing right in front of you laughing. Just a blurred picture in the back of your mind. You know you appreciate them, but take that for granted and end up making little effort to prove it to them. They know it too, so they don't realize the lack of motivation with in you. I feel like my heart could burst from the pain I feel inside admitting these things. I've never wanted to believe that I took part in any part of these actions, but I did. I do it all the time. But losing someone changes the way people think. And it's sad that it takes a death or a loss of a friendship for a person to realize these kind of things. Especially since they're all concepts involving common sense. It's hurts to believe that you did wrong, and then realizing that no body even noticed the destruction of the relationship before it was eventually terminated by a different cause." I finish. I let the tears from my eyes fall and Kaylee wraps her arms around me. We stay in this position for awhile until I decide to pull away.

"Your parents know that you love them. We know you love us." She tells me.

"That's not the point Kaylee." I shake my head. "Everyone takes everybody else for granted. I don't want you guys to feel this way after you lose someone you love. It hurts." I whisper.

"Shh. Stop. It's alright. we'll get through this." She assures me.

"What if we don't? What if everything falls apart?" I ask.

"Then we spend more time building it back up. I promise it will be okay." She wipes my tears. I nod my head.

She pulls me onto her and rocks me back and forth. After a while, she lays down and plays wtih my hair. She keeps whispering things in my ear to calm my nerves and settle my brain. This is what we used to do when I was upset, and it feels good to be able to do this again. I was so indenial. I didn't want to believe that I needed somebody. I didn't want to admit to myself that I'm not strong enough to get through this alone. I need Kayleee, and I need to stop telling myself I'll be okay when I know I won't be. And now as I finally have the friendships I used to have, I'm thankful that Kaylee was the one to bring this out in me. I'm thankful that I have such an amazing person in my life. Amazing people I should say, they all deserve a ton of credit for making me realize these things about myself and society. And I'll never take them for granted again.