Idiots in Space

19

"I heard you played Jenga last night Alex." Luka smirked, leaning up against the back wall. Fuck.

"What do I have to pay you to keep quiet?"

"About what?" God dammit Luka.

"About my pet unicorn. You fucking know."

"Pft. All of your blue berry stash and you won't hear a word." That's reasonable. I hardly eat now anyways. I should, but-eh, what's the point? I'm more focused that I didn't get completely rejected last night. But does it really matter, we both just shrugged last night off as a one night stand and agreed to keep things professional between us. But I don't want it that way. I truly love him. But he's right, a relationship would interfere with everything, we need to get back to Krebin, I need to figure out what's wrong with me, Luka needs to find his friends, Silver needs to get back to her homeworld. At the end of the day we're all just gonna separate. None of this really doesn't matter-no, don't think like that.

"Hey Silver." I say into the com.system.

"Greetings." She says cheerfully. "What do we have planned for today Mr.All-knowing-psychic." She laughs. Dammit why does she have such a cute laugh.

"Umm..." I forgot about the dream. Wait... Oh now I remember. "More Smyke ships we need to take down." Silver nods.

"Cool."

"We also need to stop somewhere for food." She nods, I can see Taras take his seat beside me.

"Taras! I'm glad you're okay. Did you get any sleep?" Silver looks relieved knowing Taras is actually capable of functioning. Or-able to keep up the act that he's fine. I happen to know exactly how he's feeling, I know exactly what he's doing in his spare time to take out the pain. Everyone else is just oblivious. Of course I'm not gonna confront him about this.

"Eh. I'm fine." He shrugs.

"Well, if you need a break just let us know. Anyways, Alex, directions please." I'm kinda dazed thinking about random subjects. My mind is fuzzy and I can't concentrate. I'm not surprised, I haven't really been taking care of myself for days.

"Oh. The ships should be up ahead. We should reach them in thirty minutes. The planet is just left from there." Maybe within those thirty minutes I can fuckin' sleep? Nah. Instead I just head to the bathroom and decide to take a cold shower. I take off my shirt and just happen to examine the markings in the mirror. I still can't come to the conclusion of if I'm human or not. What even am I? Whatever-I have other things to worry about. Depression hit me like a freight train and there's no one I feel like talking to about it. I keep things within me until they build up and burn a hole through me. It isn't the best method.

There's only one thing I can do

One thing I can do to release the pain I feel inside

And that's what I do

I wash off the blood from my previous activity and go on with my life. I search aimlessly for a random sweater to cover up and take my place back at the front. The ships are just ahead, and I slightly panic-I can't do this. Not today anyways.

"Luka take my place."

"What?"

"You heard me." I walk up to him, he's currently leaning up against the back wall like he always does. I grab him by the arm and fling him up there. "Get up there." He uncomfortably takes his seat.

"You okay bro?" He looks back at me.

"I just need to fuckin' sleep." I fall onto my bed and float off into unconsciousness.