Thoughts/ Excerpts

E L E V E N

Fun fact: I am a student and you are a teacher. I saw you walking down the halls of our school today, you said hello, I said nothing at all. Why? You weren't smiling. You don't have to be all-smiley all day, you don't have to be motivated all day to be a teacher, although I think that that's your motto: Being motivated so students have the chance to be that too, not screaming at them because you don't want to make them feel bad about themselves, this is just me trying to construe your actions. I'm sorry if anything of this is wrong. I've watched you. You are motived-mostly, especially when we see that one teacher that seems to be pretty close to you although I can't judge whether or not this is just on a friendship—basis. Anyway, I saw you walking down the halls today, you weren't smiling- something that I would have to get used to, from what it looks like you weren't even motivated at that time. You were sad, maybe even exhausted. And by saying that, I don't mean the oh-I'm-sad-right-now-although-it's-not-an-urgent-matter kind of sad but the groundless, deep kind of sad was what I saw on your face today. I know: Who am I to judge? But considering the fact that you're the person who talks to a group of approximately 30 people, including me quite often, at least once a week, I wanted to know what I could do to make you feel better, I wanted to know how I could listen to you without making you feel weird because of these two reasons:

You are a teacher and I am a student:

-You could perceive this situation in a wrong way, thinking I am just asking about your well-being because I want a better grade (which, by the way, technically, isn't possible) and I want to improve the impression I've left on you.

-You could, for instance, view me as a much younger person than you are, making you feel weird if you would talk to me. Again, you are a teacher and I'm just a student.

Repeating this fact again: You, at least once a week, are standing in front of me and talking for about 90 minutes and I know nothing about you. You are providing me with so many facts, showing me so many interesting things regarding that topic of your lecture and trying to help me whenever I need it ( so answering my questions, although if they are too personal you seem to find a way to only roughly describe them).

I want to listen to you. And this is not only because I'm attracted to sad things or anything, but this is about getting to know the person standing in front of me not only as a teacher, but also as a student.

I care. I want you to know that there are so many people who would love to make you feel better about that one issue that obviously has been bothering you enough to look that way. I want you to know that people would also love to listen to you: That I would love to listen to you, to let you talk for a second, and this not only about things you are supposed to talk about but things that are close to your heart, things that make you feel sad, things that make you feel happy, things that make you feel, things that remind you of your childhood, what kind of a family you have, what you've eaten today.

Why you felt sad this morning. What made you feel sad.

I know that I'm blaming this on the school system: you wouldn't talk to me about it since you're a teacher and I'm just your student. (Does this mean you are a projection and I am watching something like a movie?) You are just supposed to teach me stuff, and I'm supposed to listen to you talk about a topic I'm maybe never going to see in my personal life, a topic that will be graded in an exam and then forgotten about. I am a student and you are a teacher. I'm here, and you? I don't even know where you are currently, basically know nothing about this person that's supposed to just be a teacher. I am a student and you are a teacher.

But even though I'm a student, I do care. And there are people who care indeed. People who would love to listen to you if you'd only reach out or give them a chance to. We are supposed to stick to the rules of the school system, some even forbid to talk as a normal person to a student, so forbidding to form a relationship that's not only based on teaching. I'd be willing to listen to you if you want to talk to me. Again, I do care. Not only about school topics, but about your issues. About you.

The person walking by me-without me, having the chance to reach out and know about the reason of this undeniable sadness expressed on your face.

The teacher.

.....

Okayy, it has been quite a while now. I'm sorry to those who like reading these chapters or who read them just because or whatever reason they have. Now, this post doesn't mean that my hiatus is oficially over, I mean I can't be as active as I was before since there is so much to do at school (arghhhh) and sadly, I barely get to write even then and now. So, for those who are nevertheless interested in hearing about the reason I'm writing this now is: I just felt like there are so many faults in our school system and this  is one of them. This isn't even supposed to be something like criticism, it's just supposed to put out that I do feel wronged about all that keeps happening regarding the student-teacher relationship. I mean, ahve you ever thought about it? You don't really spend 90 minutes listening to people talk, right? And if you do, you only listen to teachers. What's sad about this is: At the end of the day you still know as much about that teacher as before, which is: nothing at all. I do not mean to express that I wish teachers would be acting more towards students in a romantic way or turning into a friend or something. Heck, if teachers don't want to talk to students, no, if people don't want to talk about their issues/matters with anyone, fine, so be it. But if there's something they genuinely want to talk about actually, but "can't find anyone" to talk it through with, here we are. People (not only called students), who are willing to listen to you teachers in the world about your personal matters.

I am expressing this fact because I know that I'm not alone. This is not only about being curious but about being sick of the fact that people won't reach out to other people even if they can. Again, I know that I'm not alone in wanting to get to know a teacher better. Of course there are pupils who don't want to listen to teachers: Do all of the people listen to you only because you want to? No. And that's okay. To those who actually do: Give them a chance.

Try to get to know your students. Talk with them about you. You matter. There are always people who care enough to want to listen to you.

(I hope this fact is reinforced enough by the example from the teacher in the hallway.)

-12/8/17