Thoughts/ Excerpts

T W E L V E

She watched them every day out of every year in her life.

"If they smile and hug me, I've done well." she told herself "but if they only frown I've done badly" she thought. 

For mom and dad didn't have any older child than her, so she had to do well. Her younger siblings would not be pressured if she endured the wrath of her parents' pressure.

All efforts were being looked down upon if the results told them they were insufficient. 

It was not like she didn't at all try it- telling her parents how much she had worked for everything but they'd only frowned, asking her why she had wasted the time.

If they'd know what she really wanted to do later, they would probably bash on her, throwing around insults of how she'd ruined their lives. Oh, and how she wished they would understand her. But only wrath led up after her desire of sincere parents' love.

But she had to protect her siblings with the last piece of perservement.

For at least she was getting something that was not explicit hate. It was not the fulfilling love she always dreamed of receiving, never. But it was a fragment of appreciation, she liked to think. If it weren't for that, she'd already fallen apart.  And for the fact that she has to hold her heart at the point of a sword to protect her siblings, that needed more of love than she did.

For she was supposed to be mature. Not cold to others, even though what she received from her surroundings were everything but warmth.