I'm waiting up until all of this will end.
When my final moments arrive, I think I'll be at my peacefullest.
I've always been admiring people who are were able to still see the good in this world. But how would I have been able to perceive this world as good anymore?
I was thankful to be given a life to live, but now I just want everything to end.
In my 20 years of living, I've always experienced the same, freezing winter, the same blossoming spring, the same suffocating summer, the same stalling fall. And then all seasons were repeated all over again. People are always fascinated anew as to why there's so much snow falling, how beautiful it is to watch the tress grow and die down colorfully, the same scorching sun-
I am sick of it. Everyday I am carrying this empty but heavy body to the company I hate, working through nights at other workplaces and coming back home a few hours before dawn only to find I have nothing to eat but the remnants of food I stole from the restaurant I clean at. When I want to check the amount of money I have, I reach into the hollow parts of my wallet to find myself wondering when I'll be able to pay off all of my inherited debts.
Sleep has lost its value for me, long ago. I am not tired. I am just sick of it.
And when the loan sharks arrive the next day, they forcibly ask for money, again. Without available ointments for my wounds, I just wrap them up with small bandages, hoping to cover enough of them. When wounds sting, I ask myself how I'm still able to feel anymore.
And then the days are repeated.
I'm sick of it. Everyday, before I crash in a random corner of my house, I wonder when all of this will finally end. I've lost my will to live.
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Thoughts/ Excerpts
Non-FictionThis will contain thoughts of mine (duh...). The languages can differ from turkish, english and german and korean. Warning: If you don't like depressive thoughts, then some parts of this book will bore you/ annoy you. I'm not saying that every part...
