Seal The Deal

18. Sinking feeling

Jessie's POV

You know that sinking feeling when you feel like you're about to leave everything behind.

I had the same feeling right in that moment when I broke our hugs as my mother placed kiss on my forehead and promising to visit me soon. After we parted ways, Landon and I checked in and my mother was already on her way to her car to get to her shooting venue.

The Park's jet was thankfully cozy enough to ease my mood and Landon's comforts were enough to cheer me up although the sinking feeling was still clear and unfazed in my stomach. At least, I felt much better having Landon's usual cheerful presence with me.

The airplane ride consisted of Landon and I watching chick flicks which he loved, thirty minutes argument about which movies to pick, delicious food, especially ice-cream and lastly, a deep sleep which did justice to make me feel energized after we arrived at the city that never sleeps.

As I was sitting in Landon's family's Rolls Royce along with Landon and his chauffeur who was driving silently.

Landon was back to sleep but I was left thinking about our kiss. Our second kiss the one when we were both fully sober and devoid of any hints of alcohol in our system, yet we kissed. After the kiss, we acted normally with no hints of any awkwardness and today, none of us bothered to bring up that kiss. I was beyond confused but for the sake of not getting awkward for each other, I guess I should just not question it.

"Bye. Get some rest, fiancé." Landon who had just woken up several minutes ago said before he sneaked a kiss on my forehead.

"Bye." I took up the courage to muster with my tomato face before going out of the car and rushing to my house with two huge luggages with me.

In the house, I was greeted warmly by my family members excluding grandma who was currently in China and Nadine, who was throwing me looks which I didn't bother to care. Diane was gushing about my new hairstyle and reminding me my strawberry blonde hair brought out my eyes, making them appear lighter.

Today was sunday and it was dinner time. As we were all eating together, and for the very first time, I decided to eat some grilled chicken with lots of sweet delicious desserts on the table. I guess I was slowly getting better with dealing with my eating disorder until

"You must have fun, cousin. You're gaining so much weight already." Nadine retorted and the sweetness in her voice was enough to make me gag.

I tried to hard to not let her words shatter my confidence as I shut my eyes and tried to even out my ragged breathing.

"Enough, Nadine! When are you going to stop your childish acts?" Jamie snapped as she glared at Nadine with pure hatred in her eyes. This time, Dad didn't stop her.

"I was just pointing out facts." Nadine croaked, staring at Jamie with her huge blue eyes.

"Don't try to be all innocent and sweet with me! You and I know why Jessie started to have eating disorder. It was all your doing!" Jamie shouted and she stood up from her chair.

"Because of me? Care to elaborate, cousin." Nadine retorted, totally unaffected with her current situation.

Jamie let out a loud scoff before glaring at Nadine one more time.

"Your constant indirect stabs on Jessie's weight are enough to make her feel even more insecure about herself! All those times when you insulted her huge arms or her thick thigh, those insults were the start of her starting to hate food which slowly lead to her suffering from a severe eating disorder!" Jamie explained, her face was red from fuming and I never felt so useless before as I sat beside Jamie and looked at her, not knowing how to react.

Nadine was speechless, and her lips started to quiver as tears started forming in her eyes.

"And you know why grandpa brought you back to France that day? It wasn't because your mother wanted you back or she was missing you, it was because everyone in this house knew the reason why Jessie was suffering and it was because of your childish, selfish and reckless actions and the worse thing is, you did it because of jealousy!" Jamie pointed at Nadine who was already sobbing in her seat.

"How can you assume such things? I was never jealous of any of you! I have an extremely perfect life, why would I be jealous?" Nadine squeaked, her eyes staring ahead of Jamie, not meeting her eyes.

"And now you're trying to make me look like the bad guy by lying! You little thick-skinned poisonous two-faced bit-"

"Enough!" Grandpa shouted.

The room fell silent.

My father casted a worried glance at grandpa who had a history of heart attacks.

My grandpa was pointing his index finger at Jamie.

"Jamie!" He snapped.

"How dare you accuse Nadine of such thing?! That stupid theory of yours is bullshit and Jessie's eating disorder doesn't have anything to do with Nadine, it has to do with Jessie's weak mental health!" Grandpa explained while he tried to calm himself by breathing softly.

"What if I say I heard your conversation with dad about sending Nadine away because she was damaging Jessie's weak mental health? And you had to bring her back because Uncle Jai was having an affair with a male model which caused his wife to leave home?"

The room fell silent, with Dad looking angry, grandpa looking especially angry, Nadine looked ashamed and Diane and my mouth were wide agape with shock.

"Does that support the fact that the reason behind Jessie's eating disorder is because of Nadine's jealousy?" Jamie said, earning a defeated look from grandpa.

"Why do you have to be so harsh to someone whose suffering from a family problem?" Grandpa asked, his voice softer, knowing that he had lost the argument.

"Why do you have to always defend your favourite grandchild for being the reason why my sister is suffering from an eating disorder which can result in a life and death situation?" Jamie asked, her arms were folded together and her eyes were strictly focused on my grandpa.

"Jamie! Have some respect!" My father snapped as he stood up and dragged Jamie away leaving the crying Nadine, fuming grandpa, shocked Diane and ashamed me behind.

I was ashamed of being abnormal, of having mental problems regarding my eating disorder, I wanted to get away from all of it, I wanted to be able to eat well without having to care about gaining weight. But how? I was slowly getting better but with Nadine's presence, it never failed to make me feel like I was her fat cousin and it never failed to make me think of the times when I deliberately skip lunch everyday to the point of passing out during gym. All those dark memories floodied through me before I stood up and rushed to the nearest bathroom and broke down.

Tears were flowing freely out from my eyes and the loud sobs that I couldn't control came out from my mouth without any thoughts. My chest hurt and my head was full of blurry thoughts which never failed to make me feel unworthy. I cried and cried letting all my tight emotions out through the hot tears that were streaming down my face, it remained that way until my body was too tired to cry and I fell asleep in the bathroom.