Running In Circles // pjm.

Reminder

Every time I saw Jimin after our 'separation', it felt like the very first time. I'd steal glances in between actions and end up cursing myself because of how much they hurt.

Our dynamic was impersonal, cold, and clinical. The man sometimes would stare at me from across a room for what felt like little eternities, or he would refuse to acknowledge my presence at all. We barely had a single conversation, and if we did, it hardly lasted more than 7 words.

Taehyung was increasingly attentive every single day. We'd hang out a bunch of times every week and had become a whole lot closer in the process. Sometimes it would just us, sometimes Jungkook and Jin would join, too. I loved that they didn't think to alter their relationships with me now that I was- well, whatever I was. We'd go to movies, video game parlors, karaokes- anywhere that kept me busy. Taehyung would come over as much as he could, bringing food to force my appetite back to life. On the days that he didn't, I would be too occupied with work or studying and then end up too drained to make myself anything.

The solitary life I once enjoyed now seemed to suffocate me- the silence of an empty house filled with the echoes of my loneliness. I couldn't look at parts of the house without thinking about moments I'd had with Jimin in them.

I hated what he had done. I hated that all it took for me to be afraid of myself were 3 undefined months with him. I hated that he had that power. And I hated myself for having given it to him.

One night 4 weeks after what could be called our break up, I sat reclusively on a stool on the kitchen counter, quietly sipping my coffee.

I glanced around, my eyes lingering on, and finally, resting on the couch. I blinked and sighed, my consciousness transporting me back to one ignorantly peaceful night with him~

Jimin and I had sat on the couch, having fought over who would make the popcorn. Defeated, he dragged his feet into the kitchen and I giggled, scrolling through my Netflix looking for a movie to watch.

5 minutes later, I was still scrolling and he sighed, one large bowl of popcorn in his small, pale hands.

"This is why you should be on popcorn duty. You can't decide anything," he plopped down on the couch and placed the bowl in front of us.

He attempted to take the remote control from my grasp and I made a strange sound, snatching it back.

"What does that even mean? Look at this!" I gestured wildly at the television, "nothing looks good!"

"Let me do it," he pressed on my thigh softly. I giggled in response and swatted his hand away, muttering a breathless denial.

"Oh?" his brows perked, "I see how it is," he said and began running the tips of his fingers along my thigh.

I screeched and guffawed, unaware of his deceit in taking the remote control from me and tucking it into the waistband of his jeans. He continued to tickle me and I snorted unattractively, which set him off. He collapsed on top of me, burying his face in the crook of my neck as we both struggled to catch our breaths.

Once the violent laughing had ceased, our chests heaved in synchronization and our eyes rested on one another's. I gulped at the intensity of the storm I felt in my stomach. He isn't even touching me. Yet.

Jimin's eyes danced over my face and a small smile played on his lips as he lifted a hand and ran it delicately along the side of my face. My eyes drifted shut closed as I leaned into his touch.

"Open your eyes, doll," he whispered, firmly, "it's the only way I know what you're thinking."

They followed his directive almost immediately, fluttering open and resuming their position on his own.

He smoothed both his hands over the top of my head, flattening and moving all the hair off my face. I stared silently as my fingers clung to the sides of his shirt, like a child's to its guardian's.

He smiled and ran his nose along mine.

"Right now, this... you... I want to stop the world," he planted a soft kiss on my lips, "I want to stop the world and keep you like this forever."

His lips blended into mine like the melting of ice and we spent all night making love to one another on the couch, telling him things with my body that my mouth was too afraid to word, the movie and popcorn long forgotten.

~My eyes clouded as I blinked and looked away, pouring the rest of my coffee down the drain and rushing away into my bedroom. My mouth itched to say something and my hands decided to take it from there. Before my sagacity could stop me, my fingers rolled over letters on my phone and I sent a not-to-carefully worded text to Jimin.

Tara: Why did you have to come into my life? Fuck you, Park Jimin. Fuck you.

I forced myself to push all thoughts of him out of my mind as I tucked myself into bed. My heart beat violently. Moments later when my phone sat there silent, still, I relaxed into my sheets.

It doesn't have to be this hard. A voice in my head echoed. You don't have to do this.

It was right. I made up my mind in the instant before I fell asleep.

I don't have to do this.

// A.N.: Hi! Sorry for the minor delay! Also, this part now only has one chapter + the  epilogue to go, hope you like it! //