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9. Love, Shane

part two of 'Love, Ryan'
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My Dearest, Ryan

I never knew you felt that way about me. And I'm sorry for putting you through something that must've been really painful. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me.

I guess I was just too caught up on my relationship with Sara, I didn't make any time for my best friend.

I'm sorry. I don't think I can stress that enough, because honestly, it isn't enough. I left you for something that I love, and you have no idea how guilty I feel right now.

Just imaging you writing that painful letter to me makes my heart break. And I'm writing this letter to you heartbroken.

I can imagine your eyes, how they're so bloodshot red because you couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Your hands shaking because you were scared of my reaction. Your heart pounding loudly as if it was going to explode and kill you right there, right now. I can see the dried tears that printed onto the letter, Ryan, and you have no idea how sorry I am.

You are my best friend, Ry, and eventhough you're gone, you'll never not be my best friend. You were one of the best people I have ever met, and I'm not saying that because you're gone, or that I pity you, I'm saying it because you were, and are.

Eventhough you're gone, you'll always be in the little space in my heart. And it's only you who could fill the space and make my heart whole again.

Doing the show with you was an honour, and I honestly cannot see myself doing it with another person. You bought so much laughter, and I watched you as you pour your heart into Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Working with you, next to you, has been a pleasure and if I could I would do it again in a heartbeat. Because you mean the world to me, Ryan Bergara. You mean the absolute world to me.

And eventhough you harrass me with your conspiracy theories everyday, and I have to listen to them because I'm a great friend, you were a good man.

You're gone, and I'll miss you dearly. Me and Sara will.

You know, I proposed to Sara. She said yes, of course. And I was going to ask you to be my best man, but. I hope you'll watch over me, because I know for a fact that I'm gonna need all the support I can get.

Why didn't you just tell me?

The thought of you not here is killing me. I can't handle it, but I have a life to live, people to see. I know I have to be strong.

I'll be strong for you if you'll be strong for me.

Also, please don't haunt me. I don't think Sara would like it very much.

I hope you're alright up there, Ryan.

I'll miss you.

love, Shane.

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"He's okay, Shane." Sara comforted, her hands wrapped tightly around the taller man's waist.

His eyes gazed on the letter once more, his heart pounding vividily upon his chest. He was nervous, and depressed.

Sara understood what he was going through.

The brown-eyed man placed the letter next to where his best friend was buried, dirt covering. A tear escaping, he wiped it with his thumbs before it could go down to where his jaw was.

It was dark, and they both knew they really should be going, but Shane couldn't move. It was like his feet was stuck.

"Come on, Shane."

And so they went, leaving the shorter man on his own in the dark, cold winter.

"I'll never forget you," Ryan whispered, his spirit holding the note in his transparent hands, watching the two happy couple walk away from this miserable place.

"I'll always love you."